


A Kiss is Just a Kiss

by Cherikella



Category: Cherik - Fandom, X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: As Time Goes By - Freeform, Charles Is a Big Dorkface, Charles Xavier has a Ph.D in Adorable, Erik Has Feelings, Erik is Crushing Harder than a 12-year Old Girl, Erik is not a Happy Bunny, Falling In Love, M/M, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-15 10:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 25,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7218409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherikella/pseuds/Cherikella
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charles Xavier has always been in Erik's life. However something always gets in the way of Erik actually realizing he has feelings for this adorable dork who was so obviously crushing on him since high school. Until one day, years after their first kiss, Erik finally understands what that feeling he always had for Charles really was! But is he too late? Did he miss his chance to tell Charles 'I love you'? It's been years and did Erik really think Charles would wait for him his entire life?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Almost There

Erik knew Charles would be at the charity event this year. He had been for the last 10 years, there would be no difference tonight. Charles was a creature of habit and Erik was pretty well-acquainted with Charles' habits by now. If there was one constant in Erik's life, it was that on 22 December he would see Charles Xavier on the top floor of the Stark Hotel, the two would talk, smile, laugh, kiss and then each will be back to their own life again until next year. This was unchanging. So how, the hell, did Erik end up drunk, depressed and miserable, walking down the street on shaky legs, stumbling and unsure where he was going or why?

It all started 10 years ago, on the top floor of the Stark Hotel, at prom. Erik was grinning happily because school was finally over! If there was a good reason to celebrate anything, the end of school was definitely it! No more nonsense, no more idiots, no more pointless stupid homework, no more boredom and suffering! Erik was glad to turn his back to this part of his life and he was really happy to enter the exciting wonderful new part of his life that was about to start right after he gets out of here.

Of course, there were other reasons for him to be excited about prom. Reasons like... Emma Frost... 

Emma was his girlfriend. She was the most popular girl in school, so classy, so gorgeous, so clever! She was basically the dream and he was dating that dream! Yeah, he was a loner according to the students and kind of a hooligan according to the teachers but he was the guy who won Emma's affections so screw everyone else! 

Emma and Erik hit it off right away. The two felt an instant connection, so to speak; a connection that was beyond the usual. They weren't just going out together, they were best friends, actually understanding one another and having a good time. So it was no surprise to anyone that they came to prom together. She was dressed in a gorgeous white dress that made her look like some kind of sparkly diamond vision, and he was dressed in the most ridiculous magenta suit anyone could ever see or imagine! Erik wanted to make a statement even at the last day. The statement was  _'Screw you! I'm not one of you! I'm me! Fight me if you have a problem with it!'_

It wasn't surprising that Lehnsherr came dressed like this just to be an asshole, it was surprising that Emma let him accompany her despite that. It was weird and no one understood why Emma did that but soon the party started, the music was playing and eventually no one cared. 

"Have you seen Erik?" Emma was trying to walk past the crowd of dancing newly graduates, asking each and every one of them the same question "Have you seen Erik?"

She had went to the ladies' room and when she returned he was gone. 

"I think I saw him going out on the terrace." a [skinny boy with huge black glasses](http://i.imgur.com/OFl6J.gif) told her. His voice was so small, it was ridiculous but it suit him well because he was also ridiculous. One of the little nerds, Emma thought. 

"Oh, yeah?" she didn't wait for him to reply, she was already rushing towards the double door that led to the spacious terrace. 

Erik was indeed outside, smoking and enjoying the view to the city. The lights glowing like stars in the distance, each brighter than the other but none of them the sun. The tall building gave the impression that you were on top of the world. And Erik was _her_ world. But now he seemed miles away and Emma had to roll her eyes. 

"Here you are!" she said closing the door behind her and joining him. "What, you couldn't wait 5 minutes?"

"You weren't there. I don't like being around them when you're not there." he shrugged, offering her a cigarette. 

She accepted. "That boy told me where you were. You know him, the little nerd. The one that spent the whole of high school staring at you and thinking no one noticed." she giggled "I think he has a crush on you." 

[Erik](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m2aferrGdU1qzh6rz.gif) chuckled. "Poor kid."

"It's cute and I can't blame him." Emma said, leaning on Erik's shoulder. 

He tensed. 

"Erik...?" she said, her voice almost a whisper "Are you nervous? You know, about... tonight?" 

He said nothing, only exhaled more smoke. 

"It's okay if you are." Emma continued, looking away from him too, hoping he won't notice the faint blush on her face. "I am too, you know. It's normal to feel a little--" 

"I know, Emma. It's fine." he interrupted her. "It's you and me so it's got to be fine." 

She smiled at him a little sheepishly. They've been dating for the last two years which, let's face it, was a terribly long time! And yet they never actually slept together, they had decided to wait for the right time, for a special moment. Both thought prom was pretty special so that put a lot more pressure on that night. It was going to be the first time for the both of them. 

"I arranged a hotel room, all expenses paid, room service and stuff. It's on the same floor so we won't even have to use the elevator. No more waiting." she said softly. "It's gonna be pretty and elegant."   
   
"Like you." he smiled at her, pushing a lock of her blond hair away from her eyes. 

She smiled back and nodded. "Like me." she teased and he laughed. That broke the tension a little bit. "I know you wanted it to be special, none of those back seat of the car kinda stuff." 

He exhaled smoke again. 

"I really love you, Erik." she whispered, sounding almost uncertain. 

"I love you too!" he replied, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer into his embrace. 

He really did. He loved Emma. But there was this distant but constant fear in his heart; the fear that he didn't quite love her the way he was supposed to love his girlfriend. It was all going to be clear tonight. He had put this off for way too long. Now it was time to find out the truth. Emma Frost was perfect - so undoubtedly gorgeous, incredibly intelligent and on top of all Erik had an emotional connection with her too. She was the full package and if she couldn't do it for him, no other woman could.

Another silent exhale of smoke. He loved Emma - he really did, there was no doubt in his mind about that - but could he make love to her? 

~*~

At 2:35 am a cleaning lady finally unlocked the door to one of the male lavatories on the top floor of Stark Hotel. She was surprised to find a young boy there, with big wet blue eyes. He was sitting on the floor in his dark blue tuxedo, his glasses tossed aside. Must be one of those prom kids, she thought, but why would he be locked in the bathroom alone, sitting on the floor and, as it seemed, sobbing?

Jumping up from the floor instantly, the boy put his glasses back on and forced a smile. 

"You okay, kid?" she inquired, checking the door again. 

"Yes! Yes, I am. Thank you so much for opening the door." the boy replied hastily, getting out of the bathroom as if he were afraid the door would lock him in again. 

"Are you sure?" the cleaning lady asked "These doors aren't meant to lock like that. They only lock from the outside."

He seemed embarrassed and a horrible realization suddenly hit her. 

"Did someone lock you inside on purpose?" she asked, terrified that something like that could ever happen during prom. 

 _Yes_ , Charles thought,  _my brother Cain and his stupid friends did_. But did it really matter? To the cleaning lady? Or to the principal? Or to the teachers? Or the school board? Or the other students? Or even his parents? No. No, it did not matter to anyone what Cain and his buddies did to bully Charles for fun. It was a lesson Charles learned rather painfully. So now he only gave the cleaning lady as carefree a smile as possible and shook his head. 

"Nothing to worry about." he said "Just happy that school is over!" 

He rushed outside. He was the last one remained from his schoolmates. Apparently they were all gone already. The party was either over or it was moved to another location. Either ways, Charles wasn't keen on attending it anymore. He only came here because his mother insisted it was important, because that was  _normal_. So rolling his eyes Charles did what he had to do like usual, and he came to the stupid party, got bored at the stupid party and then got locked in the male bathroom at the stupid party.

Honestly, he was glad this part of his life was over. Now all he needed was a breath of fresh air. Yes, he was in desperate need of fresh air so he just rushed to the terrace and let the cool night air hit his face once he was outside. He relished in its freshness. 

That feeling didn't last too long though as he noticed he wasn't alone. A few steps to his left he saw none other than Erik Lehnsherr. He had loosed his tie and was now just sitting there on the cold floor, smoking, frowning and deep in thought. Charles felt his heart skip a beat at the sight. As always Erik was gorgeous! So very gorgeous! A faint blush appeared on Charles' cheeks as he looked at his crush.

He had been crushing on Lehnsherr since the first day he met him in fifth grade and with time it only got worse. Of course he did nothing about it. At first he was afraid that Cain's bullying would get worse - his step-brother already loved calling him a fruit, queen and a fag, Charles didn't want to risk him getting even more eloquent and add cocksucker and whatnot to the list of insults he had stored for Charles. Then eventually Erik started dating Emma Frost and Charles knew that he had no chances there. Erik liked girls and with a girl like Emma Frost who'd look at another? Still Charles was glad to see Erik and Emma getting along so well and looking so happy together. He was almost certain that they'd probably get married at some point, things seemed pretty serious. And he did his best to accept it. 

The few times Charles actually got to talk to Erik were always rueful. Charles trying desperately to control his bodily reactions such as blushing, stuttering, sweating and the like, while Erik was looking at him amused and with that smirk on his face, ending the conversation with a joking  _'Yeah, right. See you later, kid.'_  They were the same age! Why did Erik always call him a kid Charles never understood.  

But now Erik seemed... sad. He _was_ sad! And Charles could not let that go just like that. Erik wasn't supposed to be sad tonight. And yeah, sure, maybe he didn't want company - why else would he be out here all alone in the dark, smoking like a sailor on the cold floor - but Charles was still going to talk to him. Make a fool of himself one last time. After all, he was probably never going to see Erik again after tonight. It was sad. But maybe it was for the best. Maybe not seeing Erik again would finally help him forget the guy and move on with his life. 

No matter what the future brings, Charles was not going to leave Erik like this. He was not going to chicken out. Not this time. He cleared his throat, hoping to draw Erik's attention to himself in order to start a conversation. But when Erik didn't even notice Charles took a deep breath and went to him himself. He sat down on the floor right next to Erik and wrapped his arms around himself, hugging his knees, as he looked in the distant lights of the city. 

"Are you alright?" he asked, surprised how calm his voice sounded when on the inside he was trembling to his very core. 

Erik glanced at him, then breathed in and out slowly. Only now did Charles notice the tired eyes, the messy hair, the crease on Erik's forehead. 

"Sort of..." Erik muttered. Then added a bit quieter. "... no, not really." 

"Wanna talk about it?" Charles offered, tilting his head attentively. 

Erik slowly shook his head, looking down at the remains of the cigarette between his long fingers. "I never talk about my feelings." he said. 

"Alright." Charles nodded. "If you prefer that." 

The silence dragged itself for an uncomfortably long time and Charles thought that perhaps he made a mistake, perhaps he should've left Erik alone, since it seemed that's what Erik wanted.

Charles cleared his throat. "Well, I'll leave you be then." he said, preparing to get up "I'm sorry I bothered you. I thought you were feeling down and maybe I could've--" 

"Aren't you with someone?" Erik interrupted him. "Don't you have someone else to worry about?" 

Charles remained seated on the floor. "Um, no." he replied a bit awkwardly. "I came alone." 

Erik arched an eyebrow. "You came alone to prom?" 

Charles nodded with another awkward little smile. "Yes, I did. There wasn't anyone else to come with. I don't really have many friends and why would I want to come with a stranger?" 

"Hmmm. Good point." Erik said, looking at his hands again. 

"What about you?" Charles dared to ask "Aren't you supposed to be with Emma now?" 

A shadow past through Erik's face but his voice sounded the same as usual when he replied. "We're not together anymore." 

Charles' eyes went wide. "What? You and Emma? Since when?" 

Erik frowned at him with annoyance. 

"I'm sorry... It's none of my business and I don't care for gossip, I really don't!" the boy said hurriedly "I'm just surprised because... well, you two seemed like... y'know... I thought you'd end up marrying one another." 

Erik laughed bitterly at that remark. 

"Well, don't wait for the wedding invitation yet. We're not getting married." was his reply. 

Charles pressed no further. He didn't want to pressure Erik into confiding in him. But he was positive Emma and the breakup were the reason Erik was so gloomy now and he hated this. 

A minute later Erik spoke again, quietly and this time a bit awkwardly. "Emma and I, we... umm... we broke it off. Tonight actually. We broke up tonight." 

To break up at prom! Wow! 

"I'm sorry..." Charles whispered and he really was sorry. He knew how much Erik cared about Emma - the two were practically best friends! 

"Don't be. It's better this way. And it's not her fault, it's mine. I couldn't--" he sighed and lit another cigarette so Charles wasn't quite sure what was it that Erik couldn't do.

Maybe he got scared of the commitment? Maybe the two realized they had to go down their different paths in life after high school and that was getting in the way of their relationship? Maybe-- but thinking about that was pointless. What mattered was the result - Erik was upset and Charles was here. 

"Let it out, if you must. Talk, cry, yell, break something. Whatever you feel you need." Charles said with empathy. "You're not alone. I'm here for you." 

Erik's blue-green eyes looked down at him and maybe for the first time ever Erik actually  _saw_ Charles. Charles had to remind himself to breathe. 

"You're always here, aren't you?" Erik spoke, his voice sounding different now, Charles never heard it sound like that before. 

"Well..." he mumbled confused, feeling the blush return to his cheeks.

"You always give me a pen when I never bring mine. You help me on those tests, you actually cheated for me. You helped me with that stupid biology homework on genes, I understand how DNA works thanks to you now." 

"You remembered..." Charles said dumbly. Of course Erik bloody remembered, it wasn't that special that he had actually noticed Charles' existence while they were sharing the same classes. 

"You kinda stick out." Erik said

"Oh... yes..." Charles frowned  
   
"In a good way." Erik added quickly. Then smirked "Besides, you keep staring at me." 

"What?" Charles blurted out, now flushing even more than before. This was embarrassing. "I never--" 

Erik laughed, not bitterly, this time it was a genuine laughter. 

"It's fine, I think it's adorable." Erik then said and Charles was even more confused. His heart pounding almost painfully in his chest, his entire being trembling on the inside, and honestly he was afraid he'd have a panic attack and throw up right here on Erik's shoes. "I appreciate it, y'know." Erik continued, his voice somehow sounding more intimate now as if Erik had leaned closer to him. "What you always quietly did for me. Thank you..." 

Charles' eyes were cast down, staring awkwardly at his own trembling hands, fidgeting his fingers, trying to compose himself and regain control over his own emotions. He was desperately trying to come up with something to say; something that wasn't embarrassing. Biting his lips, Charles kept blushing in silence until suddenly he felt Erik's fingers lifting up his chin and then before he knew it Erik's soft urgent lips were on his.

This was Charles' first kiss and only in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine that it would be with Erik Lehnsherr - the boy he'd always loved so much. Now that it was happening for real Charles froze under Erik's touch, not really knowing what to do and panicking a little. 

Erik pulled away and only now did Charles notice that he was just as flustered and nervous as him.  
   
"I-- I'm sorry" Erik muttered "I thought you wanted it too. I guess I misread things... I'm really sorry for what happened, Charles."

 _Oh, my God! Erik was apologizing for it!_ Apologizing for doing the greatest thing in Charles' life! He was going to leave any moment now and Charles definitely didn't want him to! He had to speak up and soon! 

Charles' first impulse was to grab Erik's hand with his own shaky one to let him know he wanted him to stay. Erik looked back into Charles eyes and the two remained like that for a long moment, taking in one another's faces, drowning in one another's eyes, suspended in time. Finally Charles' eyes slowly slid down and stopped at Erik's lips again. The boy held his breath, feeling his heart thumping harder than ever. They tilted their heads in unison to gain better access to one another and locked their lips in a crashing kiss. This time it was more passionate than the previous, Erik pulling Charles closer to himself. It was a kiss of their entire bodies and it was intoxicating in the best way possible. 

Charles surrendered to this feeling, forgetting everything else. The world did not exist anymore - there was only Erik and Charles and this moment. This amazing moment! Erik's hands slid down to his waist as his lips were still pressed hard on Charles'. Then these same hands found their way up Charles' shirt.

Charles heard a small moan escaping from someone's mouth and it took him a moment to register that this someone was him. His arms wrapped tightly around Erik, pulling him closer, feeling him, needing all of him. They were still on the cold floor on the terrace on top of Stark Hotel, clenched into one another's embrace, kissing desperately, hands roaming over their bodies, hungry for one another. It was new and it was good and it felt like destiny. 

Erik pulled away first. 

"I have an empty hotel room waiting for me on the same floor if you want to..." he mumbled awkwardly.

"Yes!" Charles interrupted him quickly, nodding enthusiastically. It was Erik and he didn't need time to think at all. He  _couldn't_ think even if he wanted to. 

Erik grinned. "You're not wasting time, I see." 

"I've waited long enough." Charles chuckled, blushing again. 

"I must warn you that I've never umm..." 

Charles' hand found his again. "It's okay. Neither have I." he smiled "We can try it together." 

Erik smiled back at him. "Yes." he said, much calmer now "We can try it together."

~*~ 

Erik woke up with Charles in his bed. The memories slowly returning to him. What the fuck did he do!? He was supposed to make love to Emma, not end up in bed with Charles! Least of all  _enjoy_ his time in bed with Charles...

Damn it, he did enjoy it though.  _ **Was he gay now?**_ Did love for having sex with another guy made you gay? Erik was pretty sure it did.

This was so confusing, everything was so confusing! It wasn't supposed to be like that. And yet he was completely sober when he did it. It all felt so natural, so right back then but now he was freaking out.

Charles was not to blame, Charles was his usual pretty self with those blue eyes and cherry lips that he kept biting without knowing what it did to Erik, and that adorable little blush, and that cute accent that made something inside Erik melt. He never truly realized why he felt that way when Charles was around but now he began to have a clue. He was  _attracted_ to Charles. Surely, he wasn't gay! It was just  _one_  guy! He was experimenting. Yes, that's it. Experimenting. It's not like he wanted to do it again. His eyes slid down Charles' sleeping body and Erik sighed, a lump in his throat.  _He wanted to do it again._

Why was he so freaked out though? It's not like he didn't have his suspicions... He knew he checked out guys every now and then - quite often really - but still he always thought it was for a lark! Like checking out the competition. He didn't check out other girls though but that was only because he was taken. He was with Emma and he was loyal to her - body, soul and mind.

He did love Emma! He really did - she was amazing! His best friend! And yet when the two were lying on this very same bed after prom, when he had to kiss Emma with intent this time, when he had to make love to her, he couldn't. It didn't feel right, it felt forced and awkward and so wrong. It was nothing remotely close to what he felt when he embraced Charles, when he pressed his lips to Charles', when he felt Charles touching him and when he touched Charles in return. 

_**Was he gay now?** _

 

_"Erik, what's wrong?" Emma asked last night, looking at him confused when he just couldn't get into it._

_"I don't know... I'm really sorry..." he replied, getting even more nervous now, embarrassed._

_"It's alright." Emma told him, her gentle hand resting on his shoulder, sliding up and down in a soothing motion that did not feel soothing at all. "It's normal to be nervous about your first time. It's because we've never done it before and--"_

_He looked at her, eyes filled with guilt. And then he realized - they both knew._

_"At least you're sure now." she finally said, putting her clothes back on._

_"I'm really sorry, Emma...." he replied, too worried to actually look her in the eyes. "I didn't mean to ruin this night for you."_

_Emma nodded with a shrug. "It's not just about the night, Erik." she told him "I really liked you..."_

_Erik felt his heart breaking. "I could try again, I could..." he trailed off. They both knew it would be ridiculous and totally useless._

_She shook her head with a melancholy smile. "I wish you good luck, Erik."_

_"I really love you, Emma. I just-- can't love you."_

_"I know." she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek."You can stay in the hotel tonight if you want. I'll be going home."_

_When she left all Erik could do was listen to the voice inside his head, going on and on saying:_ _If Emma Frost couldn't do it for you, no other woman could. Eventually he had to get out for a smoke._

_And then Charles happened. It was a spur of the moment and it was the best thing Erik had ever experienced._

 

**Was he gay now?**

Suddenly the question changed in his mind.  _Was he gay..._ ** _always_** _...?_

Overwhelmed with feelings and emotions, scared of revelations, Erik got up from the bed, gathered his clothes and after casting a quick glance at Charles who was still sleeping peacefully in the bed, left the room as if a monster was chasing him. 


	2. A Face From the Past

~  _5 years later... ~_

Charles got off the plane already feeling too tired and jet-lagged to stand, let alone go about his day. The cold winter air hit him right in the face, waving his slightly longer hair as he got down the passenger stairs. At least he knew he had done some good and his trip wasn't in vain. Surely that meant more than a few extra hours of rest. 

"Flexi! You finally made it!" 

Charles rolled his eyes. Of course his friend Tony would be the first to greet him and of course he'd go about the airport calling Charles  _Flexi_ for everyone to hear. Flexi was Tony's nickname for Charles. It was short for  _[flexible](https://45.media.tumblr.com/aed0c6f05fbcdfe0ea22da74e7db4d1f/tumblr_nz0xntOVas1ughliuo1_250.gif) _ which was a whole different story on its own. 

"Tony, I told you you didn't have to wait for me. I can manage to find my way home." Charles chuckled as he was being pulled into a tight hug by his friend. 

"You know I never bother listening to you." Tony said

The two walked towards Tony's car. Apparently he was going to drive Charles personally. Or maybe he just wanted to show off some new gadget that he had installed in his car. With Tony one could never be completely certain if it were genuine care or just bragging. One of the reasons Charles loved Tony so much - the man was always able to make him smile. 

"You look horrible." Tony noted kindly.

"Thanks. So do you." Charles replied instantly.

Tony chuckled. "Sassy as always, I see." 

Charles shrugged. 

"You okay?" Tony finally asked and by his tone of voice Charles could tell his friend was actually concerned. 

"Yes." Charles nodded. "It was a good trip. And you can ask me." 

"Did they sign the papers?" 

"They signed the papers!" 

"Yes! I knew it! Yes!" Tony grinned and made a few hilarious expressions of joy as he drove the car. "We're gonna have our very own Center for Gifted Youngsters!"

The Center was Charles' idea but Tony was just as excited about it as Charles was. And now they got the approval to open it! It was a great day indeed!

"Did you mind-control them to sign? There's no other logical explanation how you did it." 

"I wish!" Charles laughed but he truly was pleased with himself. This project was important not only for Tony and Charles' company but also for others too, people all over the world. It was a cause Charles believed in and was ready to fight for. "And what have you been up to while I was gone?" Charles had to ask "Did you do what you were supposed to?" 

"Did you doubt me?" 

"Well..." 

"Hey! Don't you start! I take that as a personal offense! You know I always get the job done. ... at the end." 

"I know. I was just wondering what's the damage this time while you were  _'getting the job done'."_

"No damage, give me some credit. Everything's ready for the charity event. December 22, 7 pm, on top of the Stark Hotel." 

Charles felt a shiver he couldn't prevent. He frowned. 

"Must it be there?" he asked "We said it'd be at the Starxavier building. What changed?" 

The Starkxavier building was where Charles and Tony worked together. They were partners and their company was doing pretty well. The building was big and spacious and it was definitely a more suitable place for any event whatsoever, mostly because Charles hated going to the Stark Hotel. 

"Heating problems." Tony huffed, rolling his eyes. "I'm not proud of this but I accidentally jammed the whole heating system of the building. We've been freezing for two days now and I'd understand if you join the team of my haters. I'm pretty sure they have a club and hand out T-shirts by now." 

Tony expected Charles to laugh and let it go but instead Charles kept frowning and asking the same question. 

"So why the Stark Hotel?" 

"Didn't you just hear me? In this weather it's ice cold at the Starxavier. Right now it's like Elsa built it." 

"We could've still gone with some other place..." 

"You don't like my father's hotel?" Tony raised an eyebrow. "You think it's gonna ruin the event? Trust me, people love this hotel! They've loved it for years!" he frowned a bit when he noticed the troubled expression on Charles' face. "Come to think of it... you always avoid it..." 

At this point Charles stopped listening. A memory invaded his mind. Him alone in the huge bed, naked under the covers, staring at the empty hotel room and waiting for his first lover to return to him. Erik Lehnsherr, the hottest boy in school, according to Charles. Silly, stupid Charles who had been crushing on him since  _forever_! Erik Lehnsherr who seduced him and then abandoned him without as much as a note. Charles  _waited,_ for God's sake! He thought Erik just needed the fresh air and would be back soon with a tray of food for them to have breakfast together. He never even considered that Erik would just  _leave._  But the more he waited, the more he realized that Erik wasn't coming back, that he was obviously not getting them breakfast and that Charles would most likely never see Erik again. 

Right now Charles felt nothing but bitterness at this memory; bitterness and a very dull pain whenever the memory returned. Back then, five years ago, Charles knew that he had to be angry at Erik and yet the only thing he could do was to curl up in bed, hug himself tightly and cry; cry until he had no tears left. How stupid he was to believe that last night meant something more than just sex!

When he finally pulled himself together - sort of - he went down to see if he had to pay for the room too. And that is when they told him everything was arranged by Emma Frost beforehand. This information somehow made things even worse for him though. Erik had taken his virginity in Emma's hotel room!? Erik had abandoned him alone there? Was there any truth in what Erik had told him last night? Was this some kind of trick? Was Erik just bored? Experimenting? Or he freaked out and ran back to Emma in the morning? And why would Erik even do this to Charles? Charles never harmed Erik in any way! Was this all a joke? Would Erik and Emma laugh at him afterwards?

Charles was aware Erik knew how strong Charles' feelings for him were but he could still not believe he would take advantage of that weakness and then ruin Charles completely. Was this the boy he  _loved_  so much?  Did Charles just got his heart broken for the very first time? Yes, he did.

Did anyone care about Charles' heart anyway? Not at all. Did any of this matter to anyone at all? No. Of course Charles wouldn't matter to Erik. Why was he even surprised? After all, he never mattered to anyone...

"Charles?" Tony's voice snapped him back to reality.

Charles realized the car had stopped moving at some point and Tony was now looking at him with a concerned face. 

"Is something wrong?" Tony asked

Charles quickly shook his head and swallowed despite the dryness in his mouth. "Fine. Just jet-lagged."

"Alright... You always get so weird whenever I mention my dad's hotel."

"I know. I'm sorry." Charles said dryly.

"Didn't you, guys, have your prom there?" Tony suddenly remembered, amused.

"Probably." Charles said tiredly. " Does it even matter though?"

Tony shrugged. "Guess not. It's feels like it was ages ago!" he laughed.

Charles gave a small nod, looking out the window. "Yes." he said, his voice tight. "Ages ago."   

~*~

"Hey, bub. You there, the new guy." 

Erik looked up from his computer at the bulky guy with the sideburns and raised one eyebrow questioningly. That was his boss - Logan - but it was still annoying to be called  _new guy._

"Don't act so surprised. I'm not supposed to remember your name until you're here for at least two months." the guy said.

"Okay." Erik replied, trying to be patient. He hated interruptions when he was working. 

"So how do you feel about helping kids and teens with mental illnesses?" 

"It's a noble cause." Erik replied, still not certain where this was going. 

"Good! So you're going!" Logan grinned and turned towards the others, all of them on their computers, trying to get as much work done as possible before the holidays begin. "We have a winner, everyone!" 

"Yay" the  _everyone_ cheered. 

Erik got irritated. "What winner?" 

"You're going to this charity event to raise funds for children with depression, anxiety and such. Someone has to write an article about it afterwards and you, new guy, are it!" 

Seriously? That's what they all wanted to dodge? Why?

"Why?" Erik asked out loud. "Why none of you wants to go?" 

"No one wants to work around Christmas! Even if it's kind of a party. You, on the other hand, don't celebrate Christmas. Besides your boss" he pointed at himself "thinks it's good for you to attend something like that. Consider it a test." he winked "And have fun, new guy." 

Erik shrugged. "Fine. But I have a condition." 

That earned him a chuckle and an arched eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? And what would that be?" 

"You stop calling me  _new guy._ It's stupid and annoying and no one's laughing." Erik said firmly with just a hint of amusement. "You're here longer than me but I don't call you  _old guy."_

"Ouch!" Azazel chuckled from the next desk "I think you did well hiring this boy, Logan." 

Logan smirked with a nod. "Yeah. I think so too." his smile altered a bit, becoming more friendly. "Fine,  _Erik_ , I think you're part of the team now!" 

They shook hands and Erik finally felt like he was truly accepted on his new job. With more luck and hard work, soon he'll be writing serious articles that actually mattered! 

"Here's the invitation. Wear a tie!" Logan said, throwing the piece of paper on Erik's desk and going back to his office. 

Erik glanced at it and froze. "Wait... The Stark-Xavier Fundraising for Gifted Youngsters?" 

"Yeah." Azazel nodded "They have this idea that every kid is gifted but not all have found their talents yet. They're opening a Center for Gifted Youngsters that's gonna offer special psychological help as well, apparently." he explained but then noticed Erik's pale face. "What's with you, kid?" 

Erik swallowed hard. "N-nothing. Just... nothing." 

~*~  

Charles ran his fingers through his hair. "How's our press coverage?" 

"Told you the last time you asked, everything's great. Relax, Charlie." Tony said from the couch in Charles' office where he was lying and playing with a very valuable vase, pretending it's a football ball. 

"Don't call me Charlie and please try to concentrate." Charles said. 

He could feel how nervous he was about going back to that stupid building and knowing he was nervous frustrated him even more. He was definitely over this whole ridiculous story! He was a naive youngster back then, now he's a man in his mid 20's, incredibly successful already and feeling great about himself. Why would this one silliness from his teenage years still affect him? His mind insisted it no longer meant anything but his emotions didn't seem to get the memo. 

"We need to impress the press too." Charles said "I want to lift the stigma on mental illness and the media is a great way to achieve that." 

Tony rolled his eyes. "I know! You've told me that months ago! Are you okay, mate? You seem... stressed. Tensed. What's with you?"

Charles huffed, fixing his bow-tie.  "Nothing's with me. I'm fine. Now let's go or we'll be late for our own event." he tapped Tony by the shoulder. "Come on!" 

"Fine, I'm coming! Jeez!" he put the vase down and sprang up to his feet and grinned at Charles. "Wow! Someone looks handsome! You're gonna raise some  _funds_ tonight." 

Charles chuckled with an eye roll and opened the door for them. 

" _You_ be careful what  _you're_ raising tonight." Charles said. "No sleeping with a reporter and then dumping her. We don't want any bad reviews on this." 

"That was  _one_ time!" 

"Sometimes one means more than twenty." 

~*~ 

Erik was standing near the wall, dressed in his best tuxedo which wasn't much but usually did the trick, his hair slicked back. So far he was managing to look calm and relaxed, even elegant with a glass of champagne in his hand. As soon as he was back home he'd replace that champagne with something stronger, much stronger! But for now this had to do. 

He was at Charles Xavier's fundraising. That  _Charles_! He still felt bad about leaving like that 5 years ago. Surely Charles never expected anything else from Erik but still it felt like a dick move. Still certainly Charles knew that nothing could ever happen between them. Mostly because Erik was an asshole back then. At least that's what Erik thought of himself. He freaked out and left. He was so shocked by the revelation about himself that he forgot to stop and think about Charles and what he might feel.

Erik was grateful to Charles - after all it was Charles who made him embrace the fact that he was gay. It was the memory of the two of them together that helped him accept this and be himself. Charles and his loving eyes and shy smile, his little blush and his ridiculous habit of licking his lips. It was Charles and his acceptance and open arms when Erik kissed him. And what did Erik do in return? He never once called, he never once tried to meet him. The truth was he just felt too embarrassed to look for Charles, too guilty for what happened, too worried he'd upset Charles by leaving him there and not calling again.

And now he was at Charles' fundraising. Great. That must be an awkward reunion. 

He took another gulp of his champagne and hoped to go unnoticed until the end of the event. And when he's back home, he'd write a nice and detached article about the cause and never come get near Charles again. 

Just when he was dead set on this plan everything changed. Why? Because Charles Xavier made his [entrance](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo4sb4WSjV1qgah7w.gif). 

For a moment Erik was breathless. Just staring at the man that Charles had become. Then he realized he was gaping at him and that was embarrassing so he closed his mouth and made sure to stay out of Charles' sight, to observe him from afar for a moment or two. The cute awkward kid from high school had turned into a handsome outgoing young man with charming smile, sparkling eyes and great sense of humour. The change was striking but in a very good way. Erik liked Charles before but now he  _wanted_ him desperately. So he made a few alterations in his plans for tonight. Instead of avoiding Charles out of some stupid guilt from 5 years ago, he'd charm Charles again so the two of them could spend a lovely night together. Yep, that was definitely a better plan than going home alone. Besides, Charles probably didn't even remember him or their one night at the prom! Well, Erik will remind him of the good part! Ironically, it was the same hotel so maybe Erik could stir the old memories a bit.

He ran his fingers through his hair, took another sip of champagne and then went for it!

~*~  

Long evening and Charles had to put up a good show tonight. He had to be charming and inviting and patient. He had to explain to the guests about the Center for Gifted Youngsters and his ideas. This initiative was something he felt really passionate about so finding the right arguments in favour of it was easy. However, it was also distracting when he realized the hotel hadn't really changed that much. Being back was like being that same boy from 5 years ago and that was unfair. Many times he caught himself feeling like a teen again, like he was in Erik's embrace and then left alone and heartbroken by his first love. 

But he could not afford feelings now so he kept talking, and joking, and smiling, being a perfect host, making sure everyone were feeling welcome and no one was neglected. And of course, talking about the Center and how important it truly was. No one would ever feel alone if Charles had a say in it! 

Every now and then Charles was glancing at Tony, feeling a swell of gratitude because his best friend was doing a great job tonight. Working the Stark charm was Tony's specialty and Charles felt truly happy when he realized that they could really be successful and get enough people's attention to turn this into something truly great. And then he'd be able to throw all his time, energy and money into this project. 

He suddenly felt tired. He needed a moment to himself so he retreated to the terrace. As he felt the fresh evening air he had to chuckle at the irony. That very same terrace... wow. He looked at the place where he and Erik made out that night. Now there was a love-seat there. That would've been useful back then but oh, well. He shrugged the thought off and moved on, looking at the distance. 

"It's a beautiful view, isn't it?" a voice came from behind him, startling him. 

Charles instantly put on his host smile and turned towards the person who spoke to him. 

"It is, indee--" the words died on his lips. He felt the blood leaving his face and his knees getting weak all the sudden. 

"Hi." Erik Lehnsherr - for it was him! - said with a little smile on his face. 

Charles blinked a few times. 

"Yeah, I was surprised too when I realized this was your event." he said

Charles was staring. Erik was here. At his fundraising. It's been five years and Erik was here. At the same hotel, on the same floor, at the same bloody terrace! Charles was sure he could deal with this just fine. It wasn't  _that_ big a deal. So Erik -yes,  _that_ Erik - was here. Big deal! Yeah, Charles could deal with it. 

"You look good." Erik said 

On second thoughts, maybe Charles couldn't really deal with it that well after all. 

"Fuck you!" Charles blurted out. 

"Already?" Erik teased, a certain familiar gleam in his eyes. 

"What, the bloody hell, are  _you_  doing here?" 

"Nice seeing you, too, old friend." Erik chuckled 

"Piss off!" Charles hissed

"You sure swear a lot these days." Erik said, not really smiling anymore. 

Charles tried to compose himself. "Look," he said, lowering his voice a little "I don't know why you came here to  _my_ fundraiser, but I'll have to ask you to leave. Now. Please." 

Erik frowned. "Oh? Why?" 

"Do you really need to ask that?" 

"Apparently I do." was the reply. "I'm working here." 

Great! So Erik was a bloody waiter here! Just his luck! Why did Erik have to be here and make Charles feel all stressed and uncomfortable and... and... and  _hurt!?_ A part of Charles just wanted to hurt Erik in return and he couldn't help himself. 

"Yeah, well, that explains the cheap suit!" 

"Wha--" 

"I bet you take all the hotel guests to your bed and then leave in the morning like a whore!" 

"Charles..." 

"Now I suggest you go fu--" 

"Charles! Are you alright?" Tony showed up just in time and Charles bit his lips. "What's going on here?" 

Before Charles could open his mouth to reply, Erik did it for him.  

"Oh, nothing!" he said "Nothing at all. I love being yelled at and being called a whore. Thank you, Mr. Xavier. It was indeed a remarkable experience. Your 'gifted youngsters' are lucky to have you."

That said, Erik turned on his heels and swiftly left the terrace. 

"What the hell, Charles?" Tony blurted out "You actually said that to him? I've never heard you talk like that to anyone, let alone a guest!" 

"It's nothing important, Tony." Charles sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "And he's not a guest, he's a waiter here and frankly he was asking for it."  

"A waiter?" Tony laughed hysterically "Charles, he's the press! He's from WolverNews" 

Charles' face fell. "Oh, my God..." he paled.

"Charles! He's gonna write a horrible review!" 

Charles shook his head frantically. "Not if I can fix it!" he said determinedly and rushed towards the door, making his way through the herd of people while chasing Erik. Finally he was out of the hall with people and into the corridor. He could see Erik about 15 steps ahead of him. 

"Erik!" he called. "Erik, please, wait!" 

Erik stopped and turned around, looking at Charles with a hard to read face. Charles crossed the distance between them and tried to sound friendly. 

"I'm sorry about what I said just now." he started, biting his lower lip nervously. "I just didn't expect to see you here and I was surprised and your face suddenly flooded my brain with memories and..." he sighed. "Bottom line is, I'm sorry. I apologize. So please could we just forget this ever happened and could you wr--" 

"I was an ass." Erik interrupted him. 

"What?" Charles looked at him confused. 

"Back in high school. And then at prom too. I was an ass. I'm sorry." 

Charles was so caught by surprise that for a moment he wasn't sure how to respond. This gave Erik a chance to continue. 

"I knew how you felt about me and I wouldn't say I took advantage of you because I was just as surprised it happened as you were but... I should've stayed and talked and... I'm sorry." 

Charles was still silent. All those years he had imagined what would it be if he met Erik again, if Erik begged forgiveness. All kinds of crazy scenarios had crossed his head and now finally he got a genuine apology but he didn't know what to say. 

"I had a lot of things to figure out then." Erik explained, looking Charles in the eyes. "I didn't know what to do and if I were ready to face anyone at all. I was so preoccupied with my emotional turmoil that I completely forgot to think about you or what you were going through. And for that I'm sorry." 

Charles swallowed the lump in his throat. So it wasn't a joke. Erik was just confused and terrified and alone. Erik was just like Charles. 

"I know you've moved on from that night but to me it meant a lot. It changed my life, actually. Soon after that I came out, got thrown out of the house - my guardian wouldn't accept me. I started my own life and got my independence." he smiled fondly at the memories. "It was tough at first but it was worth it. And all of it started that night. With you. Thanks to you. So now I'm here... I wasn't gonna talk to you but then I saw you and I thought-- I thought I could sleep with you again, actually." he let out a nervous chuckle but it only lasted seconds. "And now I just want to say I'm so sorry for what happened, I truly am. And thank you, Charles. That's all." 

There was a short silence. Charles seemed lost as if trying to stop himself from doing something that he knew was inevitable. Erik gave him all the time he needed.  

"You know, that's not a bad idea." Charles finally said, smiling mischievously and biting his lower lip. 

"What is?" Erik asked, not quite following. 

"Us sleeping together." Charles replied and suddenly he was pulling Erik down for a passionate, hungry kiss. 

Erik responded instantly, wrapping his arms around Charles' waist, pressing them closer to one another. Charles deepened the kiss even more until he pulled away to look into Erik's eyes again, trying to get his breath back. 

"This is not why I apologized, I swear!" Erik panted. 

"I know!" Charles chuckled. "Now, come back here!" he pressed their lips together again, pulling Erik by the collar of his suit. 

"Drunk or sober?" Erik managed to ask in between kisses.

"Sober. You?" 

"Same! Single or taken?" 

"Single. You?"

"Same!"

They pulled away from one another again with with considerable effort. 

"Do you remember where our room is?" Erik whispered hoarsely into Charles' ear. 

Charles bit his smile and nodded enthusiastically. Erik grinned. 

"Wait me by the door, I'll be up in 5 minutes!" he said, giving Charles one more kiss before going down at Reception for the key and then for supplies. 

Charles felt a familiar flutter of anticipation in his stomach as he saw Erik walk down the corridor and he grinned happily. Feeling like a teenager again had its good points too. 

 ~*~

If Erik thought the night he lost his virginity was mind-blowing and spectacular,  _this_ was thousand times better! Having Charles back was like returning home after a long journey. In one word, it was perfection. Charles was bolder now, not as shy as he was the first time. He was a passionate lover the first time too, of course, but  _now,_ oh, God,  _now!_ Erik just wanted all of him, all at once. Maybe that's what he was waiting for these last five years, maybe that's what he felt was missing in his life. Somewhere at the back of his mind he realized that he actually wanted Charles in his life. Erik hadn't had a serious relationship with anyone since Emma so thoughts like these were a rare occurrence for him and yet, here he was thinking about a future with Charles. Then this night would never end!

The next morning Erik woke up with Charles in his embrace and smiled. So that's what it would've felt like if he hadn't ran away in fear that morning 5 years ago. He kissed his lover's soft hair, taking in his scent. 

Charles stirred in his embrace, throwing an arm around Erik's chest and snuggling closer to him. "Morning." he purred. 

"Morning." Erik smiled.

"You're here." Charles smiled back, still looking sleepy and adorable. "I kept thinking you'd let me wake up on my own again." 

"No." Erik shook his head and kissed Charles. "I won't let you wake up alone ever again." 

Charles hummed. "Promise?" 

Erik replied with another kiss. They were about to continue when Charles' stomach growled and they both laughed. 

"Breakfast?" Erik grinned

Charles nodded. "Breakfast sounds good." he replied 

Erik kissed him again and got up from the bed, getting his clothes. 

"There's room service in this hotel, y'know." Charles grinned, sitting up 

"I know. But I want this view to be just for me." Erik said, eyes roaming over Charles who was smiling at him from the bed, hugging his knees.  

"So..." Charles said, doing his adorable lip-biting thing again "... you're gonna write something positive about the fundraiser, right?" 

Erik froze midair, a sharp pain of disappointment and anger piercing through him. "Is this why you went to bed with me?" he asked coldly. 

"What? No!" Charles shook his head 

"I should've known!" Erik huffed and then said more to himself than to Charles. "Of course. It makes perfect sense. You thought I was a waiter at first and then your friend told you I was a journalist so you... Of course. How very stupid of me!"

"No, Erik, that's not true!" Charles got up from the bed, reaching out for Erik but he pulled away before Charles could touch him. 

"Why did you follow me, Charles?" Erik asked, his eyes hard, unforgiving. 

"I-- I wanted to apologize..." Charles muttered nervously

Erik shook his head. "Why did you follow me, Charles?" he pressed 

Charles took a deep breath and licked his lips. "Alright, so I did ran after you because I was afraid you'd write a really bad article about the Center but that's just at the beginning! I wouldn't sleep with you just to get a good review, Erik!" 

"Right!" Erik laughed bitterly. "Spare me, Charles. Mr. Classy Tuxedo!" 

Charles frowned. "Erik, you're being unreasonable." 

"I can't believe I actually thought this meant something! While all the time you were just... using me for publicity!" 

Charles pursed his lips. "None of this is true, Erik!" he insisted. "Last night was special to me too! Like the first time was special as well! Please, just stop acting like a child and let's talk about it." 

Erik just looked at Charles disgusted. Just his luck! The one time he actually lets himself feel vulnerable in front of someone and  _this_ happens! But he won't trust Charles' mind-games ever again!

"Don't worry about your precious reputation in the press, Charles." he barked. "I won't ruin your flourishing career." 

With that Erik left the hotel room, feeling just as shitty as he did 5 years ago. 


	3. Like There's No Tomorrow

A year after their second hook-up Erik had received an invitation for the Annual Fundraiser for the Stark-Xavier Center for Gifted Youngsters - same place, same time. It was an annual thing now and apparently pretty successful, too. Erik had researched more about the project so he was familiar with all the amazing work the Center had been doing for the last year, helping people everywhere find their way. It sounded like something Charles would do, something  _the Charles Erik knew_  would do, and Erik realized now how important the Center really was for Charles and for those who needed the help. 

So on 22th December Erik was at the Stark Hotel - a better suit this year, another glass of champagne in his hand, looking dashing and hoping to meet-- 

"Erik!" he heard the familiar voice and turned around to look at Charles. "I'm glad you came." 

Charles was [smiling](http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1cmt9voLc1qj40aw.gif) at him softly. Erik couldn't help smiling back.

"The invitation specifically stated my name." he said "That was unusual, I must say. Everyone at the office were surprised." 

Charles let out a little laugh. 

"I'm glad to see you again, Charles." Erik said sincerely "I can see what a great job you did with this Center of yours and it's really... it's brilliant." 

"Oh, thank you, Erik." Charles seemed genuinely pleased to hear Erik's praise. "This isn't all. We can do so much more! I have these ideas and--" he chuckled "I'll bore you now."

"You couldn't possibly." Erik smiled fondly.  

They shared another smile and Erik felt a strange urge to apologize.  

"Charles... the last time we met I overreacted a little and..."

"It's really not entirely your fault." Charles interrupted him. "That's why I wanted to see you again and make things right."

"Well, I want that too, Charles, because I was thinking about it a lot and I would really want for us to be able to talk and..." he cut himself off. 

"... and?" Charles seemed really interested in hearing the rest of the sentence but Erik noticed a young man in an elegant tuxedo approaching them so he quieted down.

But the blonde young man did not walk past them as Erik expected him to do but instead smiled and wrapped an arm around Charles' waist rather possessively.

"Oh! Alex!" Charles exclaimed, looking up at the blonde guy than back at Erik. "Erik, this is Alex Summers." 

"Charles' boyfriend." Alex smiled as he shook Erik's hand. 

Erik kept the smile on his face as much as he could although there was this feeling of irritation rising in his chest. Boyfriend or not, why was this Alex person interrupting their conversation? 

"Erik Lehnsherr is an old friend from high school." Charles supplied "He's a journalist now and his last review of our fundraiser was brilliant. I didn't have the chance to thank you for that, Erik." 

Erik smiled stiffly. "I only wrote the truth." he replied

"I still appreciate it." Charles said and Erik noticed the way he was leaning on Alex, one hand casually stroking Alex' bicep. It all spoke of intimacy that Erik felt uncomfortable with. He suddenly wanted to be away from this place. 

"Well, you'll be pleased to hear that I'll be writing this year's article about the event as well." Erik said politely but somewhat distantly. 

"Good because Charles deserves all the credit and all the praise!" Alex intervened yet another time. 

"Alex, stop it!" Charles scolded with a loving smile.

"My article will be about the Center and the progress it's made for the last year, not so much about Charles' personal merits." Erik said, sounding all businesslike

"Oh, that is definitely what it should be." Charles agreed quickly "The progress of the Center is a result of the combined work of different specialists, psychologists, our benefactors and of course the people who come seeking our help. It's definitely a group effort rather than my own merit."

"But you do all the work, Charles! You started it and you're always working so hard." Alex butted in. 

Erik suppressed an eye roll. This man was getting really irritating. What could Charles possibly see in him? Frankly Erik would rather leave the fundraiser just to be away from Alex and avoid throwing up. 

"I applaud your dedication to this cause, Charles." Erik said hurriedly. 

"Well, I believe that just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they're lost forever. Sometimes, we all need a little help." Charles smiled 

"May I quote you?" Erik asked, eyes fixed on Charles now, ignoring Summers as much as he could. 

Charles nodded, that same smile from before returning to his face. "Yes. Yes, you may." he said, his hand sliding down, not holding Alex anymore. 

"And how about... perhaps a small interview?" Erik pressed further. It was more about having Charles' full attention than the interview itself but the excuse was legitimate. "I'd just love to hear more about your views and ideas. It'd enrich the article." 

Charles slowly nodded, not breaking eye contact with Erik as he replied. "Yes, a quickie would be nice." he flinched as soon as the words were out. "A-a quick interview would be nice." he corrected himself. 

Erik couldn't help the smirk on his face. "Very well then. How about we find a room and do the interview there where it's more quiet?" 

Charles took in a deep breath, gaze intense and fixed on Erik. It was obviously a difficult decision for him to make.

Erik wasn't shy about what he was suggesting, nor was he bothered by the fact that Alex Summers was right next to Charles. He wasn't shy at all. It was more than an interview he was propositioning and Charles knew it. Furthermore, Charles  _wanted_ it. Erik could feel the heat radiating from Charles' body, the hunger in his blue eyes. There was something about the two of them that always brought them to the same place as if they were meant to be one. It was more than a desire, it was a connection. Erik didn't know exactly what it was, but he knew one thing - both him and Charles wanted to spend the night together, to feel the way they felt whenever they were in each other's arms. It was as simple as that. And yes, Charles had a  _boyfriend_ now but really? Alex? This guy? Surely that wasn't serious!

"Umm" Charles spoke again, hesitating only a little as the words left his cherry lips, cheeks flushed. "M-maybe the terrace instead?" 

Erik frowned a little, surprised by this development. 

"It's cooler on the terrace and people tend to stay inside where the food is." Charles tried to joke. "It'll still be quiet." 

Erik swallowed the lump in his throat. Alex, seemingly oblivious of the true meaning of their conversation, laughed brightly.

"If that's what you prefer." Erik replied, trying not to sound disappointed. 

Charles nodded. "Yes." he said "I think that'd be better." 

"I'll play host while you're busy, Charles." Alex said, placing a kiss on Charles' cheek and then off he went to mingle. 

Charles and Erik walked towards the terrace together. 

"I didn't think you and Alex was anything serious." Erik felt he had to explain himself. 

"I know you didn't. It's fine." Charles said, the conversation obviously uncomfortable for him. "Were you serious about wanting this interview or...?" 

"Oh! Yes, yes. An interview would be great." Erik said hurriedly. He still wanted to know more of Charles' opinions, hear more about the Center and Charles' future ideas. It wasn't like he only came to bed Charles; Erik was interested in the man's mind as well. 

"Here then." Charles smiled as he sat down on the love-seat. 

Erik chuckled at the irony and sat down next to Charles. They began talking about the Center, about youth, about society. Time was flying quickly but neither of them noticed, too invested in their conversation to care. 

Finally they were interrupted by Alex who just showed up to say that the guests were leaving and then disappeared again. 

"Oh, I guess I have to..." Charles jerked his hand awkwardly at the direction of the door.

"Yes." Erik nodded. "And I hope this thing with Alex works out." he added, feeling like he had to. 

"Yes, well... Alex and I, we're..."

Charles seemed confused and for a moment there Erik thought that maybe Charles regretted his own fidelity after all. Maybe they'd arrange a second meeting. 

"We're thinking about marriage actually." Charles then blurted out, looking at Erik kind of sheepishly. 

It was a bombshell.

Erik realized he had to say  _something._ Congratulations usually. Although why he could not understand. Why would people enslave one another with such commitments? 

"Oh!" he finally said. 

"Yes." Charles nodded, biting his lip "We're happy about it, too." he added as if guessing Erik's thoughts. 

"Oh, yeah?" Erik's voice sounded weird in his own ears. As if it wasn't him speaking. "Well, that's good then." he said "As long as it's what you and Alex want." 

"Yeah, it is." Charles said, looking down at his shoes as if he were fascinated with them. "It's not official yet so I'd appreciate if you don't--" 

"Oh, of course not! I won't tell anyone, promise." 

"Thank you." Charles smiled again, this time a bit more relaxed. "It's a personal thing and--" 

"I understand." Erik smiled back. Why the hell did this feel so awkward now!? "Well, I'd better be off then." he said 

"Already?" for a moment Charles seemed upset about it as if part of him wanted to keep Erik by his side. Or maybe Erik just imagined it. Probably imagined it. 

"The article won't write itself, Charles." he joked to mask his own awkwardness. 

Charles chuckled. "Of course. Right. Silly me. Yes, well, good luck to you, old friend." he offered his hand to him with a smile. 

"Good luck to you too, Professor." Erik replied with a matching smile as he shook Charles' hand. 

~*~  

The news for Charles' engagement were all over the place, the highlight of social media. Charles Xavier's big fat gay wedding. Erik rolled his eyes. A wedding was a wedding, gay or otherwise, what was the difference? Really, society and its stupidity was enraging him.

He tried to distance himself from these news as much as he could because it felt weird that Charles was getting married. It felt weird that Alex was going to be Charles' husband. It felt weird that this just sort of happened out of the blue. It was too early for a marriage, what was Charles thinking, throwing himself into something like that!?

The day of the wedding Erik got so annoyed with all the fuss people were making over one stupid wedding that he went to a bar with Logan, got drunk and ended up in bed with him. There was no awkwardness the morning after, no unnecessary drama. Erik and Logan were great friends, the sex was good so there'd probably be more of that in the future. Erik definitely liked Logan a lot, the two were so similar in some aspects, they understood one another and had a great time together but he wasn't gonna marry Logan! So what, the hell, was wrong with Charles to actually  _want_ a wedding!? To actually be  _happy_ about it!?

Erik could not understand it and that made him frustrated. His frustration lasted for the next several months but oh, well. At least he was working twice as good as he did before, making a name for himself as a respectable journalist. Now  _that_ was much better than a stupid wedding!  _Take that, Charles!_

~*~

The phone rang in the middle of the night. Erik was working late at home so he glanced at his phone screen and frowned. It was a number he couldn't recognize.

"Hello?"

There was a strange noise from the other end of the line, as if someone was sobbing.

"This isn't funny, either talk or stop calling." Erik said firmly and he was about to hang up when the person on the other end spoke.

"Erik? Hi... It's Charles... Charles Xavier..."

The voice sounded weak and tired but it was definitely Charles.

"Charles?" Erik was surprised that he even had his number. "Are you okay? Did something happen? Do you need anything?" 

Something similar to a sigh came to Erik's ears but Charles only replied. "No. 'm fine." he was  _trying to sound fine,_ Erik thought. 

"Okay..." Erik sat up, putting the laptop away. 

"Umm, so... I called at your work place to ask for your number and I said I was an old friend and I--" now this time it really was a sigh. "Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have called." 

"No, no, it's fine." Erik said hurriedly, his laptop screen getting darker and darker as Erik completely forgot about his work now. "You wanted to talk to me about something specific or is this just a regular midnight chat?" 

"Oh, fuck! I forgot the time! Did I wake you up?" 

"No, I was awake." 

"Did I interrupt... ummm... something? I'm so sorry!" 

"Charles, you didn't interrupt anything. Everything's fine. Now tell what's the matter?" 

Another exhale from the other end of the line. 

"I guess I just wanted to hear your voice." Charles said. 

"Oh, yes, well, who can blame you? I've been told I have a magnificent voice." Erik said casually. There was obviously something wrong. Erik could tell Charles wasn't feeling well but didn't want to talk about it. So Erik did the best he could - take Charles' mind off of his problems and cheer him up as much as he could. 

Apparently it worked a little because Charles did chuckle. "Yes. Yes, you do have a lovely voice, Erik." 

Erik was pretty sure he  _heard_  a smile. 

"So... you want me to tell you what I'm wearing now?" he went on teasing. 

Another chuckle. "Go ahead." 

"Oh, could you handle it though?" Erik grinned, lying down on the couch, resting his feet up. 

"You were always a handful but I think I can manage." Charles replied. 

Good! He was sounding a bit less wretched already! 

"A red wig, a short blue dress and a pair of go-go boots." he was trying hard not to laugh as he said it. 

Charles laughed though. "So I  _did_ interrupt something after all!" he said 

"I'm discovering a whole new side of my personality. Told you you won't be able to handle the sexiness." 

"Hmm, I can still handle more." 

"Is this a challenge?" 

"Mmmaybe?" 

"You're asking for it, Xavier! I won't spare you now!" 

"Maybe I don't wanna be spared." 

There was definitely something wrong. Charles was trying to sound cheerful and playful but it just wasn't real. Erik could feel it in his gut. Something was wrong and Charles was very upset right now. 

"Are you sure you're alright?" 

"Damn it, Erik, I said I'm fine!" he snapped. Then softer and more apologetically "I'm sorry. You'll still come to the fundraiser this year, right?" 

"It's not for another month but yes, I will." Erik replied. 

"Good. I'm looking forward to seeing you there." 

"Won't Alex be enough eye candy for one event?" Erik wished he could hold his tongue but that wasn't him. 

Charles cleared his throat. "Alex won't be coming." he replied. 

Erik wanted to say something but Charles beat him to it. 

"So I'll see you there and don't be late." he said, voice shaking a little. 

"Charles..." 

"Thank you, Erik. Bye." 

And Charles hung up. A few days later Erik read the news of Charles' divorce. 

~*~

Once again Erik was on top of the Stark Hotel on yet another fundraiser hosted by Tony and Charles. With the still relatively recent divorce news most people were surprised Charles Xavier was still attending the event. Anyway  _attending_ may have been a strong word - Charles was mostly shaking hands and welcoming people but the rest was done by Tony who as usual was a great support for his friend. Tony was his usual dashing and charming self. Charles on the other hand had dark circles under his tired redden eyes, his hair was longer and frankly neglected. Oh, and he now had a [beard](http://38.media.tumblr.com/ffa6ed64b8bc2c43be57ae2df81f2f94/tumblr_nkk0efRtJ81sprtmco2_500.gif)! Erik had to comment on that! It looked hot on Charles. 

"Charles! You have a beard now!" that was a stupid way to greet him but not less peculiar than what Charles did. 

"Smile, nod, wait five minutes and then go to our hotel room." he said quietly. 

"Umm" but before Erik could finish, Charles was gone. 

Erik did as he was instructed. There was something thrilling about the way Charles just ordered him around. Erik loved being in control, being given orders was not usual for him so he never expected to find it sexy but when Charles was doing it... He waited five minutes and walked towards the hotel room that they now considered theirs. 

As he paced down the corridor, trying to calm himself, trying to relax, he realized he was anticipating this ever since he found out about Charles' divorce. Of course, that's what Charles wanted Erik for, probably that's why he called - to make sure Erik was coming. They were probably going to celebrate Charles' freedom now. Erik chuckled to himself and knocked on the door. 

As soon as the door opened, Erik was pulled inside, door closing behind him as Charles crashed their lips together into a bruising kiss. That was new. Charles has never been so forceful before. Maybe a year with the same partner did that to him. A celebration of freedom indeed! Erik welcomed it and returned the kiss with the same eagerness. Charles let out a strangled moan and guided them towards the bed, removing bits of Erik's clothing on the way. Erik helped as much as he could without stumbling or breaking the kiss until he lost balance when Charles pulled him on top of him and they both landed on the bed. 

"Please... Erik..." Charles panted "I just want..." 

"Yes? What do you want, Charles?" Erik asked hoarsely, propping himself on his hands

Charles looked at him and bit his lip hard. He made a face and with one swift move turned them the other way around, Erik ending under Charles and Charles straddling him.

"Oh!" Erik was definitely interested. 

Jokes about the restrains of married life and the great taste of liberty were running through his head right until Charles cleared all thoughts out of his mind, kissing Erik and rocking his hips enough to make Erik forget everything else around them. The teasing was almost painful and the roughness unexpected but Erik quite enjoyed the new dynamic until he realized that Charles was crying. 

"Wait, wait, wait. Charles. What's wrong?" Erik pulled Charles away from himself and sat up a bit. 

Charles moved away, turning his back to Erik and burying his face in his hands. His shoulders were shaking, Charles was definitely crying. 

"Wow, wow, Charles." Erik pulled him into a gentle hug. "It's alright. It's okay. You're okay." he said, trying to be comforting. 

Charles shook his head, snuggling into Erik's embrace. "I'm sorry!" he sobbed. "I'm really sorry, Erik! I really wanted to..." 

"Shhh, it's alright. Everything's fine." 

"No." he shook his head again. "What am I gonna do? He left! Alex left me! I thought it was love but it wasn't! What kind of love ends, Erik? Love is supposed to be endless!" 

It was at that moment that Erik realized that this was not a celebration of freedom but a desperate attempt at survival; that Charles actually believed his marriage would work out and that he was now heartbroken, romantic that he was. And all Erik could feel was a pang of pain deep inside his chest because it was unfair that Charles would suffer. It was unfair that Charles would feel so miserable. 

Charles was clinging desperately onto Erik, snuggled in his embrace as if looking for sanctuary there. Erik wasn't sure what to do or what to say but he never let go of Charles, anyway. 

"I was an idiot, Erik! I was so stupid, making plans about growing old with him!" 

Another sob. 

"He's the idiot for letting you go, Charles, not you!" Erik said passionately. It was true! Charles was amazing and Alex was a douche. Alex was lucky to have won Charles' affection at all and he was a fool for throwing this away. Erik really hated Alex more than ever now. 

"I wasn't going anywhere. He just had enough of me." 

"Come here." Erik said, pulling Charles closer to him, snuggling him better, letting Charles cling onto him and wrapping his own arms around Charles as tightly as he could. Charles let out a sigh, trying to stop himself from crying. "It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to want to shout or break something or just hide away. Whatever you need. You are entitled to your feelings." 

"I don't want feelings." Charles sniffled. "Can't you just fuck the pain out of me until my heart is numb?" 

Erik hated to admit it but the words stung. Erik wasn't a toy for Charles to use whenever he was feeling lonely. But then again, Charles wasn't just lonely now, Charles was very, very sad. He needed comfort and care, not...

"You don't really want that, Charles." Erik said softly

"Oh, I do!" Charles insisted, whispering in Erik's ear. "I want your giant co--"

"Okay, let's just rest your head here on my shoulder now." he said, gently removing Charles' head from his earlobe and putting it head on his shoulder instead. "Now, isn't that better? Things in life just happen, Charles. And many times they bring us as much pain as they do happiness. But that doesn't make it bad. Your marriage was good while you were both happy, right?"

Charles nodded, not really lifting his head from Erik's shoulder. Erik continued. 

"So it's good that it happened. It was worth it."

Charles sighed again. "I feel so broken now... I'm sorry. I'm horrible and I ruined your night..."

"You're not horrible, you're my friend. And you haven't ruined anything."

"I've ruined my marriage." Charles said quietly. "I was too much... and too boring. I love--  _loved_ Alex so much but I wasn't enough to make him happy... and I was too clingy." 

"I told you he's an idiot, didn't I?"

Charles chuckled. "It is strangely comforting hearing you say that."

Erik chuckled too and placed a kiss on Charles' forehead. Charles sighed again.

"Thank you, Erik. You didn't have to help me and yet you did. I'm sorry again..."

"It's nothing. I believe that just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they're lost forever. Sometimes, we all need a little help." 

Charles looked up at Erik, the two gazed into one another's eyes for a moment until Charles let out a small chuckle. 

"At least I'm the living embodiment of wisdom." he joked.

"You're so much more than that." Erik said passionately and, suddenly caught in the moment, pressed a soft kiss to Charles' lips. Charles kissed back, moving a bit as to angle his body better for the kiss, his arms wrapped around Erik's shoulders slid down on his back. Erik pulled their bodies closer to one another, completely losing himself in Charles. 

"You are beautiful, Charles." he whispered "Not boring! You're interesting and wonderful and I love-- spending time with you..." he kept on kissing. "Whoever fails to see that must be the biggest idiot alive." 

They talked some more, kissed a lot, snuggled tightly and found comfort in each other's warmth. For the first time Erik realized there was a difference between having sex and making love and what he was doing with Charles now was dangerously close to the latter. 

Erik fell asleep with Charles in his arms. At one point in his sleep he thought he heard him whispering "I'm too big a mess right now and I don't want to drive you away like a did with Alex." then a kiss, pressed to his forehead. Erik shifted a little and went back to sleep, not thinking much of what he probably was only imagining. When he woke up the next morning, Charles was gone. 


	4. Love Really Hurts Without You

He really was a mess. Everything about him was a mess. His marriage with Alex went down in flames - Alex was the fire that kept Charles warm but Charles let that fire burn him. It was hard and difficult to get back on track after that heartbreak but Charles was always good at bearing his pain. However, that didn't change the fact that he was indeed a mess.

The night he spent with Erik was just another confirmation of that. The strong realization that his love for Erik was still there hit him hard. Years after his ridiculous high school crush, Charles still had feelings for Erik Lehnsherr and it was definitely not just a temporary infatuation. Charles could finally admit it to himself that he was in love with Erik all along. And he was chasing after this love all this time in one form or another. Maybe his love for Alex was exactly that - a projection of what he wanted to have with Erik but couldn't. Like a version of Erik that wasn't so opposed to commitment and marriage, a more 'attainable' Erik, so to speak. As bad as it sounded, Charles had to admit that there used to be a bit of that going on in his relationship with Alex as well. And yet, he really loved Alex. 

Charles loved with all his heart, soul and mind and he craved the same reciprocity desperately, making him rather clingy. This drove Alex away and it was definitely going to drive Erik away as well if Charles let it go that far. But Charles  _wouldn't_ let it go that far. He couldn't go through the same pain again so he took measures. Erik liked Charles, yes. But Charles  _loved_ Erik. And this was the deal breaker. He wanted, no, he  _deserved,_ to be loved the same way back. Denying himself real love and trying to satisfy himself with the scraps of Erik's affections would just be cruel on himself. He couldn't blame Erik for the way he felt and the way he was, but he also couldn't take more sorrow. So he had to leave. He had to try and stay as farther away from Erik as possible and get as many distractions as he could. It was either everything, or nothing. The problem was that Erik wanted nothing, and Charles needed  _everything._

~*~

Erik waited for Charles to call him again; no, he  _hoped_  for Charles to call again. But nothing like that happened in the following month. Then Erik thought of calling Charles himself - it wouldn't be that difficult to get in touch with him after all - but a strange feeling, a fear of pressuring Charles when he wasn't ready, stopped him from doing that. He didn't want to seem pushy. That, however, didn't stop him from reading every single paper Charles ever wrote. At least intellectually he could feel Charles closer to him. 

"Hey, Erik, your rich friend made the news again." Logan said from the sofa, glancing away from his laptop and taking a gulp of his beer. 

The two were hanging out at Erik's flat that evening as it was pretty much their tradition recently.

"Oh?" Erik said, trying to sound nonchalant. "Is it about the Center?" 

"Nah, about his personal life this time." Logan replied. "And, boy, what a life!" 

Erik frowned. "Why won't they finally leave him in peace? He's been through so much already with the divorce and all." 

Logan chuckled with a head shake. "Yeah, right. He's handling it pretty well from what I read." 

"Give the man some slack, will ya?" Erik grimaced. "The last time I saw him he was... pretty devastated." Erik let out his breath which made it sound a lot like a sigh. "He's got his heart broken recently, okay? That idiot Summers... You know Charles is all about serious commitments, true love and highly idealistic concepts like that and he's a fragile soul and a..."

"And apparently a little slut, too." Logan cut him off. 

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Erik jumped vigorously 

Logan chuckled. "Down, tiger! It's all here." Logan turned around the screen of his laptop for Erik to see.

There was an article about all the resent conquests of Charles Xavier who was apparently turning into a huge playboy, creating competition for his friend and partner Tony Stark. It was filled with different snapshots taken of Charles with different guys in various places, seemingly having a good time. 

"What the hell...?" Erik blurted out, looking at the screen disconcerted. "This isn't Charles." 

"Um, yes, it is." 

"No. This isn't Charles. He was... When I saw him two months ago he was..." 

Logan shrugged. "Well, I'm glad he's better now." 

"Yeah... I'm glad too..." Erik said, trying to hide his concern. If Charles was fine now, if he was ready to play Casanova all the sudden, why was he not calling Erik? 

Over the next 10 months or so Erik had to endure all kinds of gossip and speculations on the Internet about Charles' increasing number of sexual partners - none of them lasting for longer than a week, many of them just one night stands. Countless articles were filled with information about all the guys Charles Xavier took to his bed, or as some liked to call them - the  ** _X-men_** _._

Erik stubbornly refused to call Charles now, his annoyance was growing rapidly over the year, until eventually he realized it wasn't the paparazzi he was angry with; it was Charles. And that was really confusing because why would Erik even care? They were friends who slept together a few times. So what? He was never upset when Logan found someone else to play with. And yet every time someone mentioned Charles' sex life Erik felt his fists clench, his jaw setting and his rage burning inside him once again. It was somewhere between  _that's not the Charles I know_ and  _why them but not me?_

~*~

To go or not to go was the question the few days before the annual fundraiser this year. Erik wasn't sure if he could trust himself to see Charles again. Besides, Charles never called, never sent a note; Charles just disappeared, obviously being  _busy._  It was literally last moment's decision when Erik put on his tux and went to the Stark Hotel building at 22th December.

No sign of Charles' beard and rumpled look this time. He was wearing an elegant tuxedo with an aura of a man who was in complete equilibrium. Charles Xavier was the heart and soul of the event, mingling with the guests, being charming with a champagne class in one hand and dashing smile on his face as he greeted everybody and made his speeches. No sign of the dark circles under his eyes from a year ago either, his hair shorter now, mischief and playfulness pouring out of him no matter whom he talked to. Erik just stood there and watched him. It was weird, that feeling in Erik's chest, it was very weird and confusing. Then finally he had to pull himself together because the moment Charles noticed him, he approached him - slowly but steadily. Erik forced a smile, willing himself to be polite. No logical reason to make a scene. 

"Erik." Charles smiled back. "I was sure I could count on you being here tonight." 

A handshake felt like too formal a gesture after all the things they went through but it also seemed appropriate considering that they haven't seen one another in a year. 

"I wasn't sure if I would come this year, actually." Erik confessed. It felt stupid to pretend he didn't have his concerns. 

"Oh, well, that's a shame." Charles made an adorable little frown. "Do you not believe in our cause anymore? I'm sure I can find a way to persuade you..." 

His voice was flirtatious, his eyes playfully looking up at Erik, making him shiver. All Erik could think though was that this meant nothing to Charles, nothing at all. He was doing the same with all those other guys, even some of the girls, and it was clearly just for fun. Erik didn't expect love vows from Charles, but he at least hoped their connection was  _special, different,_  that he was  _not like the rest._ He was hoping Charles would make a distinction between his  _play things_  and  _Erik_. 

"Cut it off, Charles." he heard himself say before he could bite his lip to stop it from getting out. "I'm not one of your X-men." 

For a moment Charles blinked confused at Erik until finally he laughed. "You're reading the yellow pages, Erik! I'm surprised at you!" he teased.

"Well, isn't it the truth though?" 

"I never said it wasn't." Charles said, still not quite getting what Erik's problem was. 

Erik himself had no idea what his problem was. He was irritated, that's all. No reason. Just the thought of Charles with those other guys irritated him. For no reason at all. Weird. 

"Good to know you've recovered so quickly after the divorce." 

It was a cruel thing to say and Erik had no idea why he wanted to say it. But it was too late to take it back now. 

Charles seemed undisturbed by the words. Looking Erik in the eyes again, he softly said "Would you rather I pine for the rest of my life after one person who's clearly not going to stay with me?" 

Erik could not provide an answer to this. Obviously he didn't want  _that_  for Charles!But the rage inside him was still very much there. 

"I'm just surprised to read about your new outlook on life." he said instead of an answer. "I thought you were kinda monogamous." 

"Turns out I'm a slut." Charles joked with a little chuckle. 

"I never said that." Erik muttered stupidly.

"You were thinking it." Charles tilted his head. "It's alright. I don't see it as a bad thing, really. I like sex, the people I sleep with like sex too. You like something, you do it. That's a rather nice rule to live by, don't you think?" 

"Yes, but..." something wasn't adding up. "The things you told me before... about Alex... about what you wanted, about love..." 

Charles laughed again. "I was a naive fool, Erik. I believed in soulmates, for God's sake!  _Soulmates!"_ another laugh. "Really, I'm surprised you never told me how much I used to sound like Disney's Snow White. Alex and the stuff that happened after that... those were a wake up call. So now I know my prerogatives. The Center, my work, helping people the way I can... that's good. Devoting myself to one person for the rest of my life and getting my heart stomped on, that's not good!" a smile... a somewhat melancholic faraway look in his blue eyes. "I learn from my mistakes, Erik. I thought you of all people would appreciate the change. I mean... look at you! You don't believe in serious commitments. You don't believe in marriage. You hate those restrictions." 

That was true. But hearing it from Charles it felt weird, repulsive even. Like something beautiful in this world had died in front of Erik's eyes. 

"That's my opinion, yes, but it's not yours." Erik replied carefully. "I know it's not because I know you, Charles. Clearly you're not happy with this." 

Charles chuckled. "I'm a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. I'm a pretty happy guy, Erik." 

"Those aren't your words."

True, they were Tony Stark's, Charles thought, but out loud he said: 

"They're still true." 

A pause. Charles hooked his hand under Erik's and led him towards the terrace - their usual place. 

"You know, Erik," he said, "I appreciate that you care but I don't see why. Why do you care?" 

"I'm your friend." 

"We meet once every year. Hardly a usual friendship." 

"That doesn't make it less important to me." he said, truly meaning it. "Besides, I'd meet you more often if you'd only--" he bit the inside of his cheek. 

"Yes? If I'd only what?" 

_Damn you, Charles, for not getting it!_

"You were supposed to call me, Charles. If you wanted us to keep in touch, you were supposed to call. Not me. I didn't want to impose or look like a gold digger or, even worse, be one of your X-men." 

"You keep bringing those gossips up." Charles let out a loud breath. 

"I just thought we were..." the words died in his throat. 

Charles looked up at him, the wind messing up his soft hair, making Erik want to run his fingers through it. He didn't. 

"You thought we were what, Erik?" he asked, voice shaking a little. 

"Good friends." Erik said honestly. "No matter where, how and when we meet I still feel closer to you than to anyone else. You're the only person I feel comfortable around to open up to. We may not see one another every day, Charles, not even every month" Charles chuckled a little and Erik smiled too, "but  _we_  are special to me. When I'm at my worst, I think of you first. Not anyone else, just you. As weird as it may sound, you are definitely one of my best friends, Charles." 

The smile on Charles' face looked somewhat sad, as if it were leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. They stood there on the terrace, surrounded by nothing but the distant sound of the city and their own beating hearts. Charles lifted his gaze up, blue eyes locked with Erik's in such a distracting way. There was something strange in those eyes - confusion, hope, uncertainty... Erik couldn't quite tell. Charles' lips parted a bit and Erik thought of kissing him but then Charles bit his lower lip and said:  
  
"Marry me, Erik."   
  
It was so unexpected that for a moment Erik thought he misheard it, he didn't know what to say. He was being serious here and Charles was making a joke? Erik chuckled, shaking his head and looking away.   
  
"I mean it." Charles said earnestly.   
  
"What? Me marrying you?" Erik asked, amusement still creeping into his voice.   
  
A sheepish smile appeared on Charles' face. "Why is it so unbelievable?" 

"Well, you've already dumped everyone else." Erik teased  
  
"M-maybe that's because none of them was  _you_..." Charles stuttered quietly, looking down at his hands. For a moment Erik saw the young boy Charles again, the boy that shyly kissed back and sighed breathlessly under Erik's touch, the boy that loved unconditionally and purely.   
  
Erik was silent, not really sure what to respond. When he finally opened his mouth to say something Charles' face was changed.   
  
"I'm sorry, Erik, I'm being ridiculous." he laughed cheerfully. Erik couldn't help feeling it was a bit forced. "I shouldn't drink more than one glass of champagne. I drink more than one and I go around proposing to people." he tapped Erik's shoulder as if waiting for him to join in the laughter. Erik smiled tightly. "I'm having great plans for tonight." Charles said, lowering his voice. 

"Oh?" 

"I've booked our room so... if you don't have anywhere else to be...?" 

Their eyes locked and Erik could see the flicker in Charles' eyes was back. Charles wanted him after all. 

"I'm sorry, Charles." he said seriously. "But I am busy tonight." 

Charles let his disappointment show on his face. "Oh... I understand." 

"Yes, a meeting with an old friend that I fuck once every year." he shrugged casually. "So you can see, it's kind of a big deal." 

Charles gasped and burst into laughter. People actually turned around curiously at them. Charles paid no attention to them. 

"You're so--" Charles couldn't stop his laughter. "Alright. That seems like a very important date." 

"It is! I wait a whole year for it." 

Charles was still amused. "In that case, I wouldn't want to ruin it."

"I'm pretty sure the only way you could ruin it is if you shoot me in the back." 

"Well," Charles smiled, biting his lower lip and looking up at Erik flirtatiously. "I guess it's your lucky night."  

~*~

If there was one constant in Erik's life, it was that on 22 December he would see Charles Xavier on the top floor of the Stark Hotel, the two would talk, smile, laugh, kiss, probably go to bed together and then each will be back to their own life again until next year. This was unchanging, as sure as the sun coming out tomorrow. And yet, this 22 December Erik was drunk, depressed and miserable, walking down the street on shaky legs, stumbling and unsure where he was going or why? The only sure thing now was that he's lost Charles. He's lost Charles and it was killing him. It was killing him because... well, let's go back a little and see for ourselves. 

Last year when Erik saw Charles the two had a passionate night at the Stark Hotel, then a lovely breakfast in bed, then they just acted like two happy fools. Charles had booked the whole week on a whim and Erik cleared up his schedule for that week as well so that he could spend it with Charles, feeling lightheaded and spontaneous. They both had plans for New Years but at least they had the time before that all for themselves! They were like honeymooners which was weird but Erik enjoyed it. He enjoyed being the center of Charles' attention. He loved the way Charles smiled at him, the way he kissed him, the way they joked and talked and made love all week. It was really... exceptional.

And then suddenly...

"Your phone's ringing, Charles!" Erik called. Charles was brushing his teeth so he probably didn't hear his ringtone. An instrumental version of [Winter Wanderland](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtmF3Q6fUG4) _._ Of all possible melodies Charles could have picked for his ringtone, he chose this one. How very seasonable. How very  _Charles._ Erik let out a fond chuckle. 

"Just take the call and tell whoever it is that I'm busy!" he heard Charles' voice echoing from the bathroom, amused and cheerful. 

"It's your phone. I'm not your secretary!" Erik rolled his eyes. 

"They'll leave a message then." Charles said, showing up in the door frame completely naked and grinning. "I have more important things to do now." 

"Mr. Xavier, are you trying to seduce me?" Erik arched an eyebrow, leaving the breakfast aside and settling himself on the bed instead. 

"Um, been trying for years now, thanks for noticing." Charles replied matter-of-factly. 

"You've always been so subtle. I never could've guessed." 

Charles rolled his eyes and came closer, then nestled next to Erik on the bed, propping his head on Erik's chest. 

"Anyway, I know what this phone call is about..." he said. 

Erik couldn't see Charles' face but his voice sounded different, as if dark shadow had clouded the sunlight. 

"Oh?" Erik asked carefully, not moving Charles from where he was snuggling into Erik's embrace.  

"The phone call was work."Charles explained. "I uuh... I have an important trip coming up. It's gonna take a few months and I-- I've been wondering... if you would like to join me? Maybe...?" 

That was it? That's what got Charles to act so weird all the sudden? What was the big deal about some trip? 

Erik chuckled amused. "You're so adorable." he said, grinning and placing a kiss to the crown of Charles' head. "It depends on where we're going and if I manage to arrange things with my boss to work from there." 

Charles took a deep breath. "You didn't let me finish..." he said hesitating and yet there was something firm to his voice. He propped himself on his elbow and looked Erik in the eye. "Would you like to join me... as  _my boyfriend_?"

Silence.

Where did this come from? They were having such a great time together, why would Charles suddenly say something like that!? All red lights in Erik's head went off. A  _boyfriend_  as in a  _relationship_. Erik hadn't been in a proper relationship that lasted longer than a month since... since Emma! That was in  _highschool_ , damn it! Erik couldn't just... be someone's boyfriend! Erik screws things up. Erik always screws things up. He broke Emma's heart, he couldn't stand any of his other short-term 'boyfriends', he just screws up! He's gonna do the same to Charles. He always does.

Why must people like Charles always complicate a good thing when they find one? Charles and Erik could've went on sleeping together, hanging out together and basically having fun as much as they wanted but instead Charles needed  _labels, social acceptance, restrictions._ Erik felt like he was about to actually vomit. It was the concept of commitment itself that got to him, not the idea of being with Charles. Being with Charles was fine but being  _committed to Charles...?_ No. That was just... no. It would be over in a month or two like it always is and then Erik would loose one of the few people he can really connect with. 

"Erik...?" Charles' voice came to him from far far away, questioning, wondering, a little nervous, a little scared. He had sat a bit further away from Erik, giving him some space. Very thoughtful but not really helpful. 

Erik could still feel all the pressure of his answer suffocating him, draining him. There was only one thing on his mind right now and it was  _why. Why would Charles want this with Erik? Erik wasn't good for it, Charles knows that better than anyone. So... why would he still ask for it? Why would he risk ruining the lovely non-committal relationship they already have?_

He realized he had to say something after all. He's been quiet for a suspiciously long time now and his silence was becoming even more disturbing than whatever answer he could give. 

"Charles..." he started. His voice didn't sound like his own in his ears. It was as if someone else was talking. "We're having a really good thing here - I had an amazing week - and... Well, why would we ruin this?"

Charles let out a breath he was apparently holding all this time. Then he nodded, biting his lip. 

"Of course." he smiled bitterly, looking down, suddenly fascinated with his hands. "You're right. Yes. It is a pretty good thing, isn't it?" 

"Yes." Erik agreed. "It is. And I really like you, Charles. You're a great friend to me. What I told you that night at the terrace, I meant it." Charles was still staring at his hands. Erik frowned confused. "I thought... I thought we were okay now. I thought from now on we could hang out more often, y'know... Make this week last longer." 

Charles was bobbing his head up and down slowly in agreement. "Yes. Of course. We should do that." he swallowed. Probably to make his voice sounding less strained. 

"I thought that's what you wanted too. With all the non-commitment thing you have going on now." Erik was still trying to figure out what was going on in Charles head. 

"Oh, yeah!" Charles chuckled. "That! Sure! I-- I'm totally into this now. Yes. Who needs commitment, right?" 

He didn't sound amused. 

"Are you okay?" Erik asked concerned. 

"Yeah! Completely." The answer was quick, haste... defensive. Charles rubbed his eyes. "So... I should... I should probably get that phone call now." he said and got up from the bed, grabbing his phone and his robe to cover himself, then he rushed into the bathroom to talk undisturbed. Only, Erik heard no voices. Just the running water from the shower, for a really long time. 

When Charles finally emerged from the bathroom his eyes seemed kind of red and puffy. 

"Have you been crying!?" Erik exclaimed. 

"What? No. Just... shampoo in my eyes." Charles laughed, shaking his head. "I'm such a fool, aren't I? Who gets shampoo in their eyes?" 

"Lots of people." Erik smiled. Charles seemed better now, so everything was okay after all. No doubt he had realized that a relationship was not a good idea. A friendship with casual sex, now that was much better! For both of them. "So about this trip..." 

"You don't have to change your schedule just for me." Charles said quickly, drying his hair with a towel. 

"Oh, okay." Erik nodded, taken aback a bit. "We could skype."

Charles made a face. "Actually... I'm not much into that sort of thing. I prefer face to face conversations."  

"Fair enough." Erik shrugged. "So you'll call me when you're back?" 

Charles looked at him for a moment, then smiled softly. "Yeah. I'll call you." 

Charles never called. 


	5. I Want You By My Side

When two months went by and Charles still hadn't called, Erik started to suspect that he wasn't going to call him after all. Could he have forgotten? Should Erik call him then? What if Charles just didn't want to see Erik again? But why wouldn't he want it? They were perfect together! Erik caught himself thinking about Charles and his absence more often than he'd like to admit. The uncertainty of it was killing him. He realized that meeting Charles was something he actually was looking forward to all these years. Somehow Charles had become a constant in Erik's life, there for him in one form or another. And the foundation of all this was the knowledge that Charles would be just as happy to see him as he was to see Charles.

But now that Charles wasn't calling Erik wasn't sure he had the right to think of him in that way anymore. So finally he decided to e-mail Charles. It seemed less pushy and it would give him some answers. 

**_Hey, Charles,_ **

**_How did your trip go? Knowing you, it was probably a success._ ** **_Are we still on for meeting up? I'd love to see you again._ **

**_Let me know._ **

**_Erik_ **

When he got back from work that evening Erik saw that Charles had already replied that same afternoon. 

**_Hello Erik,_ **

**_I had a few setbacks but nothing I couldn't handle. ;)_ **

**_About meeting up... I wasn't sure my call would be welcomed so I... I guess I behaved stupidly. I'm sorry, Erik. Of course, I want to see you again. If you really want that too, let me know. Please. I don't want to make you feel like you have to do something you're not ready for or comfortable with._**

**_I hope everything is good in your life. I guess we have a lot of catching up to do ;) See you soon hopefully!_ **

**_Charles_ **

Erik read the e-mail twice, blinking at it confused. Why would Charles even assume Erik wouldn't want him to call? It made no sense at all. Eventually he had to laugh at Charles' adorable weirdness. 

"I'll make sure you know now." he chuckled to himself, getting his phone and dialing Charles' number, a strange new flutter in his stomach and a smile on his face. 

The phone rang. Once, twice. After the third time Charles picked up, only it wasn't really Charles. 

"Hello? This is Charles Xavier's phone." a pleasant male voice said politely 

Erik frowned annoyed. "Who are you? I want to speak to Charles." 

"It's Steve Rogers here. Charles can't really talk right now. He's in the shower. Maybe I could give a message and he can call you back?" 

Erik was silent for a moment. Steve Rogers? Charles in the shower? Another X-men no doubt. Erik rolled his eyes and huffed. "No messages. I'll call later." 

"Alright." Steve Rogers said. "Have a nice day." 

"Stupid polite idiot!" Erik gritted his teeth as he threw the phone to the other side of the couch. He ran his hands through his face tiredly and groaned. Something was bothering him, not giving him rest. He stretched. Then shifted. Then groaned again and finally he picked up his laptop and typed  _Steve Rogers_ in the search bar. 

Thousand results popped up instantly. Including pictures. Steve Rogers was a handsome guy, Erik had to admit that even if he kinda didn't want to. Steve Rogers was also quite impressive in aspects other than his physique, too. _Damn him!_  He sounded sort of nice on the phone too... Like the kind of guy Charles would like to hang out with... maybe even the kind of guy Charles would like to start a relationship with...  _Damn him a second time!_ Erik scrolled down the results once again, making a sound that suspiciously resembled a sigh. Nope. Steve Rogers was definitely not just another X-men. Steve Rogers had a potential to be the next Alex Summers. So that's why Charles hadn't called Erik before. Duh! It was pretty logical. How could Erik not figure it out earlier? Like before he made a fool of himself by sending that stupid e-mail! Sounding like a beggar, while Charles was rolling in bed with Steve Fucking Rogers! 

He shut his laptop closed, maybe a little more forcefully than he meant to and pushed himself up the couch. He needed a shower; he needed to clear his head. _He needed to stop thinking about Charles!_

~*~ 

Charles checked his e-mail every half an hour for the next three weeks. His Inbox was full but none of the e-mails were from the one person he was hoping to read from. He gave Erik time. He gave him space. He gave him a choice. He gave Erik all he could! If Erik truly wanted to have anything to do with Charles - even if it was just casual, just friends - he would've replied, or called. He didn't. 

After three weeks of waiting Charles had to admit to himself with a heavy heart that Erik was not going to be a part of his life after all. Not even as a friend and an occasional bed-buddy.

Of course Charles couldn't blame him. Charles was too obvious with his infatuation, he let his mask fall and Erik naturally didn't like what he saw underneath. Charles gave Erik the space he so craved; it was up to Erik to decide if he was going to politely ignore Charles' feelings and still have him in his life and be his friend, or would he just... just leave...

And Erik made his choice. Radio silence.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe Erik was right, maybe that was the right decision after all. Whatever happened, Charles had to accept Erik's decision and go on with his own life. As much as he could. Without Erik. 

~*~ 

"Don't make me go, Logan, please!" Erik pleaded nervously. "Have I ever asked you for a favor before?" 

"You asked me once to do your laundry for you, although it really wasn't my turn." Logan said, attempting casual.

Erik snapped. "This is not a joke so don't be an asshole about it!"  

Logan chuckled. "We're so much alike, bub." he said, lighting up his cigar. "We're both assholes." 

Erik paced a few more in Logan's office, nervously running his fingers through his now messy hair. 

"Someone else can do this,  _please._ " he looked his boss in the eyes, begging, broken. 

Logan furrowed his brow. "Look, Erik... you know I wouldn't want to do anything to upset you -- and I've _never_ seen you  _this_ upset before -- but... it's not up to me. There's no one else who can do it. Everyone else is either swamped with their own work, or away for the holidays. No one can come on such short notice." he gestured to Erik to sit down but Erik only waved it off with a sharp movement of his hand. Logan sighed. "You've always covered this event. Right from the start 5 years ago. 5 years, Erik. And the Center has developed so much, it's become this... really amazing institution now. You can't just throw this away. It's an important article, an important dinner-do and you  _have to get your shit together and fucking do it!"_

Erik huffed. 

"What's the problem, Erik? I thought you and Xavier were friends anyway. Why do you shun his charity so stubbornly?" 

Erik looked at Logan again, hesitating, then he shut his eyes for a moment and flopped himself down on the chair opposite his friend, holding his hands together in front of himself on the desk. 

"I-- I can't go, Logan..." he muttered quietly. "I--  _I'm in love with him."_

Just saying the words out loud caused him to flinch in pain. He was too embarrassed to look up at Logan now so he only clenched his hands tightly in one another and and kept staring at them. 

"Oh..." he heard his boss say and shift in his seat a bit. "I must say I didn't expect that." 

"Neither had I." Erik whispered quietly, eyes still stubbornly cast down, avoiding Logan's gaze. 

Logan sounded unsure, hesitating, this conversation was clearly out of his comfort zone. He wasn't used to sentimental talking-about-our-feelings bullshit, it was more than obvious. And yet he was doing it, for Erik. Because Logan cared. Because Logan was a good friend. Because Erik knew that Logan would never force him to go to the Annual Xavier charity dinner now that Erik told him the real reason for his stubbornness. Not unless it was really out of Logan's control and his hands were tied. 

"So why don't you um... y'know...  _do_ something about it?" Logan finally said, clearly trying to find the right words in this unusual situation. 

"He doesn't feel the same way about me." Erik said. "Not anymore anyway. Even if he had at one point considered the possibility..." Erik trailed off, letting out a loud breath. "Well, I lost my chance. He has someone else now. It's probably serious too, judging by how secretive he's been about it." 

"Someone else?" 

"Yes. And he's as noble as he's gorgeous. His soul is as bright as his smile and his determination for justice as firm as his butt. I just hate the guy with all my heart!" 

The wave of rage made Erik look up and he could now see Logan's face. The expression on that face was priceless. Logan arched an eyebrow and stared surprised.

"You really  _are_ in love. Wow." he said. 

Erik nodded slowly. "Yeah. It's strange, I never thought I'd feel like that but I suspect I've felt this way about Charles for a really stupidly long time now... and I never recognized the feeling because... because I'm a fool?" 

"You didn't know what it was, bub. It's not your fault. Love is a son of a bitch." 

Erik swallowed. "Well, my ignorance is costing me now because I always screw things up with Charles. We get so close and then suddenly something throws us in the opposite directions again. It's always been that way. We're never on the same page, him and I."

"I still think it'd be better if you just tell him how you're feeling." 

Erik glared. "Are you insane!? I'm not doing  _that!_ Who even does that!?" 

"Um... people in love?"

"I won't complicate stuff for him now! I just want to leave him be. He deserves to be happy. Even if... even if I never see him in person again. Or even if I have to see him and pretend... pretend I'm not dying inside every moment he's away from me." 

He looked down again to hide the tears that were fighting to roll down from his eyes. It was ridiculous and stupid how vulnerable he felt. 

Logan's hand slowly reached out for Erik's. "I'm no expert, Erik, hell, I'm probably the last person to give advice about love, but I still think you need to tell him." 

Erik took a moment to reply but when he did his voice sounded determined, strong. "I'm not telling him anything, Logan." he looked up again, straight into Logan's eyes. "So can I get out of attending this event or not?" 

Logan inhaled and exhaled loudly. He really didn't want to say what he was about to say. "I'm sorry, Erik. But I think you'll have to go." 

Erik's mouth was a tight line now. "I see." he only said. 

"I'm sorry. I really am." 

"'Tis fine. I'm a professional. I'll man up and... hide from Charles as much as I can. With more luck I'd only have to look at him from a distance, get drunk and go home." 

"Will you be alright?" 

"I'm a survivor." 

Logan nodded and tapped him on the shoulder. "That you are, bub." 

~*~

Logan did his best to get Erik out of attending Charles' charity. But he failed.

Erik had to go after all. Had to see Charles again after almost a year spent in trying to avoid him, not only physically but in his head as well. Ever since he realized that the cause of the strange feelings he had was actually his love for Charles he was trying to get as far from the man as possible. To cure himself of this crazy condition, called love! It was all in vain. _The love_ had infected him too strongly by now, it was probably terminal. 

So when the evening came Erik had to put on his tux, make himself look presentable and force himself to look as in control as he could. The game was on!  

Charles wasn't hard to find in a crowd. Once again he was the center of the event, promoting his cause, being charming. Erik kept a close eye on him, subtly, unobtrusively. There Charles was now, making a joke to this married couple and playing with their kid. There Charles was now, kissing a woman's hand and complimenting her latest scientific publication. There Charles was now, shaking hands with a stout older guy who was probably some big fish business tycoon. And there Charles was now... with a tall blonde man, very fit, very blue-eyed, very polite. Erik instantly recognized the man as Steve Rogers. He felt his heart sinking. 

Charles was laughing with Steve, his hand casually touching the man's strong bicep. He looked like he was having a really good time and Erik was torn between being glad that Charles was happy and wanting to dig a hole and die in it right here and right now. The bitter taste in his mouth was his cue that it was time to leave. He put his empty champagne glass on a small table nearby and was headed towards the door when he heard his name. It was  _Charles_ and Erik had to turn around and face him. 

"Erik? You're here!" 

Charles sounded surprised. 

"Well, yes." Erik nodded, aware that his face was too stiff but unable to do anything about it. Steve Rogers was smiling at him as he was standing by Charles' side, towering over them both with his stupid tallness. "I have apparently been appointed official chronicler of the Stark-Xavier Center for Gifted Youngsters so they always send me." He felt like he had to add that to make sure Charles understood that Erik wouldn't be in Charles' hair if it was up to him. It was an apology of sorts, in case Charles was really disappointed Erik was there. 

"No, it's great!" Charles said hurriedly, making a step closer. "I didn't think you'd want to attend, that's all. But it's a really good surprise..." he bit his lip nervously. Those cherry lips that Erik once had the privilege to kiss and now the torture to only observe from afar. 

"I'm glad it's a good surprise instead of a bad one." Erik said awkwardly, just because he had to say  _something._

Charles jerked his finger towards the middle of the hall. "Look, Erik, I just have to go talk to this one person before they leave - it's really important for the Center's new initiative - but please, don't go, okay? I-- I want you to stay. I want to talk to you. Please?" 

Erik silently nodded. 

"Thank you!" Charles said and pulled Rogers closer to Erik. "Steve will keep you company while I return, okay?" 

And with that he disappeared in the crowd of guests to talk to whoever he had to. 

Erik was left blinking at Steve. _Damn._

"So, Erik, I hear you and Charles are good friends." Steve said because of course he'd be the guy who'd try to make people feel comfortable around him. 

"Yes." Erik said briefly. Erik was  _not_ the guy who'd try to make other people feel comfortable around him. 

Steve nodded with a frozen smile on his face. "Good, good. Charles speaks very fondly of you." 

Was Mr. Perfect trying to determine if Erik was a competition for Charles' affections? Seriously!?

"We're just friends, Steve. It's all fine." Erik said and he himself could shiver by the chill in his own voice. 

"Ah. Yes." Steve was trying to suppress a sigh. Not very convincingly. "Are you here with someone?" 

"No." 

"Oh. Okay." another nod. A subtle glance across the hall as if trying to find somebody, maybe hoping Charles will be back soon to rescue them from this tedious conversation. "I'm, I'm here with my fiance." he then said

Erik glared. "What." 

"My fiance." Steve repeated, not able to suppress the shy happy smile on his blushing face. "It's still a secret but you're a good friend of Charles' so... Goodness, you may even be invited!" Steve chuckled, the tension slipping away from him now. "We don't want to bring a lot of attention to our engagement, it's a private affair after all, and my man, well, he's been through a lot..." _Yes,_ Erik thought,  _Charles has been through a lot._ Then he realizedSteve was still talking. "... so we thought what the heck, let's do it! And I said yes, and we're going to get married next year! It's legal now so that's good. God bless America!" 

"Right." Erik said, face pale. He couldn't stand on his legs anymore and kept looking for another drink in hope that alcohol would give him the strength not to fall down on the floor. "Congratulations." he forced himself to say. 

"Thank you!" Steve said and Erik was surprised how genuine his words sounded. The man was either a very good liar or he really had no ulterior motives to mark Charles as his own. "Would you like to come to the wedding? I know Charles would be pleased to see you there." 

 _Now_ Erik officially couldn't breathe. He felt like his bowtie was slowly getting tighter and tighter around his neck, threatening to suffocate him completely every moment now. 

"Erik?" Steve frowned, leaning a little towards him to check if he was alright. "Are you okay?" 

"I-- I've no idea if I'll be able to come... I--" Erik heard himself mutter under his breath. The whole ballroom was spinning, his vision was getting blurry. He needed to get out now! "I'm sorry. I need air. Tell Charles I had to leave." he stumbled backwards, causing Steve to reach out for him once again to steady him.  _Damn Steve Rogers and his gentleman behaviour! Damn him for being so damn perfect!_

"Are you sure I can't do something to help?" Steve suggested "Maybe get you a glass of water? We could go someplace else..." 

"No! I just need to go! Now!" Erik cut him off.

"But I know Charles would be disappointed if--" 

"I'm sure you can  _make sure Charles is not disappointed._ " Erik said bitterly. "Tell him I'm sorry..." he let out his breath and added, heartfelt "I really am sorry..." Steve still seemed confused. "I hope you make him very happy! He deserves it. I really mean that." 

And with those words Erik turned his back on Steve, walked away from the crowd, away from the noise, away from the memories, away from  _Charles..._

~*~

Charles was getting restless to finish his conversation and to go back to Erik. He knew he promised himself to stay away, to not get in Erik's hair, but surely it didn't count if Erik came to him  _on his own!_ And Erik did! Erik was actually here now! And as pathetic as it seemed, Charles was still happy to see him, ready to forget all his emotional pain, all his dignity and pride, just for one more moment with Erik. 

He wasn't exactly sure what Erik expected when he came here. Did he miss Charles, did he have a change of heart about commitment or was he just following the spirit of their tradition to meet here every 22 December. Or maybe he really was just doing his job, as he said. Whichever it was, Charles was not complaining. He  _missed_ Erik. He  _needed_ Erik. The months he spent away from Erik were even harder on Charles than his divorce.

And seeing Erik here now stirred something in him; it gave him hope. It gave him crazy, illogical hope and strength to actually dare do something about his feelings! He'd be damned if he lets Erik go one more time! He'd talk to him, he'd make him see! Hell, he'd win Erik over, woo him, beg him to give them a chance if he has to! Even Erik must eventually settle down!

With renewed energy Charles returned to Erik to only find Steve, standing awkwardly alone among the other guests. Charles couldn't hide the confused disappointment on his face. 

"Where's Erik?" he asked. 

"He left." Steve replied. "He said he needed the air and that he's really sorry he can't stay." 

Charles slumped his shoulders, letting out a sigh. "B-but I asked him not to..." he muttered stupidly. 

"He was acting kind of strange." Steve continued. "I'm not sure if he's usually this way or if he just wasn't feeling well tonight." 

Charles shrugged with a tired expression and flopped down on the first chair he saw. His entire courage to talk to Erik directly about his feelings dissolved into thin air in less than a second. Erik left. Again. He was probably here only for work after all. And he couldn't spare a few minutes to see Charles. It was hurtful. It was uncalled for. It was... It was wrong! And rude! Erik can't just do this! Not this time!

Charles clenched his hands into fists and jumped up from the chair. "Fuck him!" 

Steve blinked. "Excuse me?" 

"I said  _fuck him!_ " 

"Language, Charles!" 

"Screw language!" Charles gasped. "I've been bottling all this up inside me for too long! I can't go on like this! It's-- it's, it's not healthy! I have to get it out!" 

"Get out what, Charles?" Steve asked slowly, still not following any of this. 

Charles pursed his lips, his breathing speeding up from the sudden rush of adrenaline to his body. "I'm sorry, my friend, but I cannot really explain this to you now. I need to go!"

And once again Steve was left there utterly confused from all the messy things people were doing around him lately. Thank goodness his relationship with his beloved fiance Bucky was less complicated than that!

~*~ 

On his way home Erik bought himself another bottle of whiskey and started drinking it as he walked to his place. It was pathetic.  _He_ was pathetic. See, this was why he never wanted to fall in love! But he _did_ fall in love and now he was lying there _crashed_ on the pavement with all his blood and insides spread out for everyone to see how miserable and vulnerable he was. Yeah, that thought was disgusting so he drank some more until the bottle was almost completely gone. 

When he finally got to his building and stumbled inside the lobby he had to stop and squint his eyes because he thought he saw Charles there. It wasn't possible, of course, it had to be an illusion. His condition was no doubt getting worse. He was seeing things now! And not just any things - he was seeing Charles, sitting on one of the armchairs in the lobby and talking to Erik's doorman Darwin. 

Erik wanted to curse and roll his eyes but he was afraid he'd loose balance if he did that so he only made a few more steps towards the elevator, doing his best to ignore the vision. 

"Erik!" the vision exclaimed, quickly getting up on his feet. 

Erik only frowned and looked away, waving his hands awkwardly. 

"Erik!" the vision approached him and then touched him by the arm. I _t really was Charles!_ "Erik I was waiting for you. Where've you been? Why did you leave like that?"

 _It really was Charles?_ Erik's mind was slow but it was unmistakable this time. The person before his eyes was exactly Charles Francis Xavier. 

"Charles!" he gasped, faintly registering that he was grinning like an idiotic shark. His hands rested on Charles' shoulders and he leaned on his friend. "Charles... You came here to talk to me! _Adorable Charles!_ " 

Charles' own hands supported Erik gently, careful not to overstep any boundaries, but still giving Erik the feeling of something warm and solid on his waist. 

"Yes, Erik, I did. But you're in no condition to talk right now. In fact, it's a miracle you even managed to find your way home." 

Erik felt his vision getting blurred, his body limp and his eyes closing on their own accord. Almost his entire weight was resting on Charles now. 

"Darwin! Darwin, could you give me a hand, please?" Charles's voice sounded distant, as if heard through cotton. A moment later Erik vaguely began to suspect that another person was helping Charles to get him inside the elevator and then up to his flat. 

"Keys... pocket..." Erik muttered and hopefully they understood him despite the drunken slur. 

As he was placed down on his  bed he felt Charles tucking him in like a child. 

"I'll return tomorrow, Erik. Do you hear me?" he thought he heard Charles say. "We really need to talk." 

A warm kiss on his forehead, the click of a closing door and Erik relaxed into a blissful sleep.


	6. I Was Born To Love You

The next morning Erik woke up at noon with a headache. He drank his usual remedy, went to the bathroom and took a refreshing shower that made him feel a bit less hungover. It wasn't until 1 pm during his breakfast/lunch when he suddenly realized that Charles was in his flat last night. 

"Oh, damn!" he said to himself. "Damn!" 

In his confusion Erik was still unsure if it wasn't still just a strange drunken vision of Charles that he saw. Erik was in no mood to sit around and question his own sanity so he grabbed his phone and called Darwin. 

"Mr. Lehnsherr!" Darwin greeted pleasantly over the phone. "Are you up, sir?" 

"I'm fine... mostly fine..." Erik shrugged. "Look, this may seem like a really strange question but-- last night..." 

Darwin didn't need to hear the rest of the question. 

"So in the evening your friend arrived and wanted to see you but you weren't home. So naturally I couldn't let him in. But he insisted on waiting. So we spent a lovely two hours talking about funny nothings until you stumbled in, drunk as a sailor. We helped you to your flat, luckily you didn't throw up on neither of us - you behaved perfectly for a man in your condition, sir - and that was it." 

"This friend... was his name Charles?" Erik asked cautiously. It was possible that in his drunken state Erik mistook Logan for Charles. He had to be sure who exactly this said friend was. 

"Yes. Charles." Darwin confirmed. "Blue eyes, brown fluffy hair, average height, pale, very red lips - I suspect he uses chopstick or something, dressed in a tuxedo for some reason..." 

"Charles was really here..." Erik said softly, more to himself than to Darwin. 

"Yes, he really was." Darwin replied nevertheless. 

"Right. Thank you very much, Darwin. Remind me to give you a tip." 

"Well, if you can't _remember_  yourself to give me a tip, I guess I didn't deserve it, did I?"

"You deserve it and I  _will_ remember." Erik said determinedly. "Oh, and um... Did Charles return this morning or...?" 

"No, he didn't. ... But he is now." 

"WHAT!?"

"Charles. He's approaching the door to the building. I think he's coming your way, sir." Darwin said quietly but urgently. 

"Damn it! I'm not ready!" Erik gasped over the phone, jumping to his feet and rushing to check his reflection in the mirror. He looked a mess. It was a disaster. Charles mustn't see him like  _that!_ "Distract him for 5 minutes, okay? Please!"

"Did you actually say  _please,_ sir?" Darwin asked surprised. Erik Lehnsherr was popular in the building for being grumpy, solitary and not talkative. Now he seemed like a pretty decent guy to Darwin and the doorman took it as his mission to improve Erik's reputation around the place. 

"Yes! Yes, I did and I'll do it again. Please, keep him there 5 more minutes!" Erik sounded really panicky. 

"And how am I supposed to do that!?" Darwin shrieked 

"I don't know! Be creative! Pretend you don't know him and don't let him in just yet!" Erik blurted out. 

Short silence. "You kiddin' me, right? I spent 2 hours talking to the guy last night!" 

"Just do something, please!" Erik groaned and hung up.

He threw the phone on the couch, ignoring the small thump when it fell down on the floor, and dressed himself in a hurry, then fixed his hair and tried to make himself look at least a little bit less like someone who's just rolled out of bed. 

A little less than 10 minutes later the doorbell rang and Erik sighed in relief because he was at least somewhat more decent looking when he opened the door.  

"Charles! You actually came." he said, trying to steady his breathing so that Charles doesn't figure out all the efforts Erik went through in the last 5 minutes or so. 

"Yes, I actually came." Charles replied as he entered the flat. "Is this a bad time?" 

"Bad time? Why would you ask that? No, it's not a bad time. It's as good time as any!" Erik blabbered. 

"Well, you were pretty drunk last night..." Charles said carefully as Erik guided him to the living-room and offered him a seat on the couch. 

"I'm fine." Erik said quickly and then "You have something to tell me about the Center? Something for my article?" he asked because what else would Charles want to talk to him about? 

Charles seemed a little nervous. "Um, no. Erik, no, this isn't about work. It's..." he let out his breath as if trying to gather his courage. "H-how, how are you feeling?" 

Did he just change the subject? It all felt a little awkward - like they both had something else on their mind but none of them dared say it. A little silly, Erik thought, but at the same time not silly at all. 

"I'm much better, thank you." Erik replied "Do you want something to drink?" Charles gave him a look and Erik chuckled amused. "I meant non-alcoholic." 

"Just water, thank you." Charles replied with a small smile. 

He said nothing until Erik brought the glass of water and sat next to Charles, looking at him expectantly. 

"No hangover?" Charles arched an eyebrow, a hint of teasing in his voice. 

"Just a little." Erik replied casually. "I have a good remedy and alcohol usually doesn't affect me this much." 

Charles chuckled and took a sip from his water. "Tell that to Darwin and me. We had to literally carry you up last night!" 

"Come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?" 

"Oh, it was! I mean... I had some bad days but this-- this was _exceptional_." 

They both laughed but when the laughter died down Erik was suddenly overwhelmed with guilt. Guilt for letting his stupid feelings and fears take control over him and put him in this position. He felt he had to offer Charles some explanation as to why he just ditched him again. 

"I'm-- I'm sorry I left like that yesterday..." he finally said, looking at Charles's beautiful blue eyes. "I can't explain to you what happened but--" 

"You don't have to!" Charles interrupted him hastily. He looked concerned, nervous. He let out a small sigh as he spoke. "Erik... we both know what is going on here... so I think it's better if we just address the issue directly." his voice was soft, quiet, a little sheepish and yet there was determination in it. 

Erik was still not quite sure what Charles meant exactly. "Umm..." 

Charles looked Erik straight in the eye. "I know how you feel about me, Erik." he said and Erik felt his heart going up in his throat. "I think it's time to stop politely ignoring it and clear the air, so to speak." 

There was a lump in Erik's throat.  _Did Charles really know?_

"I'm sorry..." Erik muttered. "I thought I was hiding it well. I certainly tried..." 

Charles let out a breath and pursed his lips. "It's alright." he said, voice strained, his entire body seeming... tense. "You don't have to feel uneasy about it. It's normal and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable because of me."  

So Charles  _did know_ about Erik's feelings. And they  _had to have_ this conversation after all. _Bummer!_  

"I don't know how it happened, Charles." he said sincerely. "I think these feelings have been there for some time now... a pretty long time... embarrassingly long time actually. I just didn't know..." 

Charles let out an awkward chuckle. "Oh, trust me, they've been there since high school." 

Erik was surprised. He knew he liked Charles in high school but he didn't think he had romantic feelings for him back then, let alone that Charles knew about it. 

"Well, I don't know about that, I'm not sure when it started, but the harm's done already. These feelings are a fact. And now I just have to deal with this problem." 

Charles looked so miserable! It made Erik feel even guiltier for causing his friend such a distress with his unrequited love. 

"I promise I will handle it, Charles." he quickly added, hoping to make things better between them. It must be really uncomfortable for Charles that Erik felt that way about him; especially since Charles couldn't reciprocate and, in fact, was engaged to someone else! Erik was currently pining after someone else's fiance! "I promise I will handle it! You don't even have to worry about it!" 

"But I  _am_ the problem, Erik." Charles said, looking down at his hands, clenching them together tightly in his lap. 

"No, no, no! You're not a problem, I assure you! It's all me! It's my fault. I  _let_ this happen and at the worst possible time... but I promise you, my dear friend, these _stupid_ feelings... they won't affect our friendship. I'm still your friend, Charles. I know we can't be anything more than friends now but I will deal with this problem and you don't have to worry about it. You just take care of yourself and I hope you will be very happy." 

A pair of big wet blue eyes were gazing at Erik with an unreadable expression, an emotion Erik could not quite recognize. For a long moment Charles was silent, as if he needed more time to comprehend Erik's words. Erik let him take his time. Erik already said what he had to say - he assured Charles that despite Erik's feelings for him, Erik wasn't going to ruin Charles' happiness with Steve; and even though it was painful, Erik was going to deal with the fact that Charles could never reciprocate his love. 

Finally Charles spoke again. 

"Thank you for being honest with me, Erik." he said. His voice sounded so small, almost shaking. "I'm glad you will not let this inconvenient you. I just... I want to know that you will not suddenly start looking at me differently, or start avoiding me, or treat me with... I don't know... pity or... feel obligated to talk to me, or..." his voice was cracking so he stopped talking for a moment and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked as if he were trying to hold back tears. It was strange how emotional Charles got over Erik's problem. What a true friend! "Shit!" Charles let out a small laugh and bit his lower lip, hard. "I'm sorry. I'm acting like a complete idiot... I guess what I'm asking is, if you think you'd rather not have me around, tell me now. Don't say it's okay and then suddenly get distant because that would be more painful to me. I'd rather know now. Do you still want me to stay in your life, Erik, _as a friend_... or would you rather not see me at all?" 

The charged tension in the atmosphere could be cut with a knife. Erik was thinking. Charles was right. It might really be better for the both of them if they didn't see one another; it might be easier for Erik to deal with his feelings and get over his love for Charles if he didn't see him around. But at the same time he  _wanted_ to see Charles, even if it was only as a friend. He  _needed_ Charles in his life. 

This was selfish. And Erik should not be selfish. He had Charles' happiness to consider. And his own inner peace. He imagined the next time he and Charles met Charles would probably already be married to someone else. Erik imagined the awkwardness, the distress he'd inevitably cause Charles with his presence alone; just with the love he would not be able to hide from his eyes. Would this slow decay in their relationship be more preferable than a sudden, painful departure?

Erik could not believe he was about to say this but it was the right decision under the circumstances.

"I'm sorry, Charles" he said, his voice low and hoarse, "but I think it'd be better if we don't see each other." Just saying the words caused him physical pain. But he had to be strong, for Charles. "I don't think I can handle this if you're around me. I'm really sorry."

The pain in Charles' eyes, hard as he was trying to hide it, was like a knife cutting through Erik's flesh. He was obviously sorry to lose Erik as a friend which made Erik feel both flattered and heartbroken. He desperately wanted to make this better for Charles, easier for Charles. If only he could take all the sadness and free Charles of it! 

"Charles, I..."

Charles swallowed. "I understand." he interrupted, voice still trembling a little. "I think you made the right decision. The  _logical_ decision, at least... I-- I wasn't strong enough to do that. I guess I needed the push. But you're right. This is a very logical and reasonable decision." 

"Well, I've always been the head in our relationship." Erik blurted out in a weak attempt to cheer Charles up. Then he heard his words out loud and shut his eyes, grimacing. "I didn't mean..." 

Charles bit back a chuckle, his blue eyes looking even bluer now that they were wet with unshed tears. "I got what you meant." he said, then let out another breath and smiled. "Umm, well, I should go then..." he said, getting up from the couch. Erik followed his lead. "It's good we talked about this."  

"Mhm." Erik nodded. His hands were close by his sides, clenched in tight fists. His heart was breaking repeatedly but he'd be damned if he burdened Charles even more with his silly feelings! 

Charles looked at him with something almost similar to longing in his eyes and then sighed. "Goodbye, Erik." 

A small pause to steady his voice. "Goodbye, Charles..." 

Charles bit his lip one last time - damn this adorable habit of his! - and then "I can see myself out." he said quickly and strode towards the door.

Erik felt relieved that he no longer had to hide his expression from his friend and let the mask drop. This was it. The end. All that he had left from Charles now were memories, shadows from the past and dreams of a future that was never to happen. Even his friendship with Charles was over now because that was the right decision. It was the logical decision, yes, but it was the most painful one in Erik's life. And that meant a lot, considering Erik had quite a few hard decisions to make in his time.

He looked aside. He didn't want to watch Charles leave him. Instead he was waiting for the sound of the closing door to mark the end of what might have been the best thing in his life. But the sound didn't come. So Erik turned around again to see Charles standing before the door, his hand frozen on the doorknob. 

"Are you okay?" Erik asked. 

A huff came from Charles and then he was striding back to face Erik, full of determination.

"I'm sorry, Erik." Charles said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry for what I'm about to do, I know it's illogical, I know it's stupid but I have to do it!" 

Erik looked at him with curiosity, ready to reply all the questions Charles could possibly have for him. 

Charles got closer, a turmoil of emotions was radiating from him. He was apparently too overwhelmed to keep himself under control. 

"Charles?" Erik furrowed his brow, puzzled. 

Blue eyes were fixed upon him, intense and resolute. "Do I really have no chance at all to win you, Erik? Ever?"

It took Erik a moment to register the meaning of the words. 

The silence was dragging out but Charles was bravely standing there, his breathing shallow, his face paler than usual but he was there, waiting for Erik to speak. And Erik was dumbstruck! 

"W-what?" Erik finally stuttered.

"I know my love for you freaked you out, I get it." Charles continued. "I know you hate commitments and you just want us to be friends who occasionally shag but are you quite certain I can't eventually change your mind? I really love you very, very much, Erik! I have for a long time! I've tried to stop and I cannot... I tried to stay away but that didn't work either. I'd do _whatever_ you need me to do. We've known each other for years, we're pretty amazing together - both sexually and emotionally. You're my friend and I know that I'm your friend too. So can you at least give me a chance? Hmm? One chance and if it doesn't work for you, if you really hate being in a relationship with me, I'll be out of your life and you'll never have to even see me again! I promise. All I ask is one chance."  

Cue more silence. And Erik stupidly blinking at Charles. 

_WHAT!?_

In his head he rewound all that Charles just said and  _yes, he heard correctly!_

"Well?" Charles asked, holding in his breath, waiting for Erik's final judgement. 

If only Erik could form a proper sentence! 

Charles' face was slowly beginning to fall, forming a frown. Erik could see him trying to hide his disappointment. Oh, no! He had to do something now!  

Before Charles could do or say anything more, Erik pulled him into a passionate kiss, hungry for him, desperate to be close to him emotionally, physically, mentally, in any way possible! Charles kissed back, letting out a small whimper as he pressed himself closer to Erik as much as he could. Erik felt warm tears wet their faces. Were they Charles' or his, he wasn't sure. Maybe both? 

After a moment that felt like frozen in time they pulled away from one another to breathe.

"Is this a yes-you'll-give-me-a-chance kiss or a goodbye kiss?" Charles asked, looking up at Erik and smiling dreamily at him, arms wrapped around his neck. 

"Neither." Erik replied, not able to stop himself from beaming right back at Charles. "It's a we're-a-couple-of-idiots-but-we're-in-love kiss." 

Charles kissed him again and they flopped back down on the couch, taking their time to properly make out.

When finally they pulled away from one another and their mouths were free to talk for a change they each shared their side of the story with one another. This cleared the misunderstandings and proved to be a source for lots of laughs now that it was no longer... well, painful agony. 

Erik felt happier than ever with _his Charles_ by his side, snuggled in his embrace, kissing him, laughing with him, smiling at him with sparkling blue eyes full of love. The barriers had fallen, there was no confusion, no uncertainty. It was almost as if they had formed a telepathic connection. And the best part of it was that they both knew that this time it was going to last. 

 ~*~

**Epilogue**

_~ 40 years later..._

Erik entered their bedroom, glancing quickly at Charles. His husband was on their bed, surrounded by dozens of papers - most of them marked, some of them waiting for marking, - his laptop cast aside. 

Erik quietly closed the door behind him and tried to quickly sneak into the bathroom, almost getting away with it unnoticed, when Charles' voice suddenly stopped him. 

"So you finally gathered the courage to show up." Charles said, not lifting his eyes from his professory work. 

"Umm... You look lovely tonight, Charles! Have I mentioned that recently?" Erik gave him a charming smile. The clever old bastard was really clever though - he knew he couldn't resist Erik's charm so he was simply not looking at him.  _Damn!_

"You can't always get away with such things, Erik." Charles said, voice stern as if he were talking to one of his students and patients. 

"Charles, they really wanted it." Erik tried to explain. 

"That doesn't make it safe, Erik." Charles said and finally he looked up at Erik. Good! Now Erik's chances of getting away with his little naughtiness were looking up. 

He walked to the bed and sat down on the edge, next to Charles. 

"I know you're worried about them, Charles, but I promise nothing happened. They were alright and they returned safely home." he spoke softly, calmly, his voice soothing the corners of Charles' mind that were still panicking on the inside. After a lifetime spent with Charles, Erik knew him better than he knew himself. If Charles were an instrument, Erik was a virtuoso. 

Charles sighed. "When Hank told me that he saw Kurt, Jubilee, Jean and Ororo driving off from the mansion..., have you _any_ idea how terrified I was? And then he tells me  _you_ gave them permission to leave and I just... Why did you do it, Erik? You know it's dangerous for kids in their condition to be outside unattended. They could've gotten hurt. You're spoiling them too much sometimes, you were supposed to be firm, no matter how sweetly they ask you. Frankly, Erik, you're getting soft!" 

Erik heard Charles out with a small smile of amusement playing on his lips. "Are you quite done?" he asked when Charles finally quieted down.

"I am done nagging at you, yes." his husband said, pouting -  _actually pouting!_ It was adorable even after all these years."But I'm still very upset with you, Erik." 

Erik shifted a bit so that he could wrap his arms around Charles and pull them closer to one another.

"Charles, you know I love these kids." he said. 

Charles nodded, still pouting and looking down at his hands. "I know that."

"You know I love helping you with the Home for Gifted Youngsters." 

"You help more than anyone. So this is why I don't understand how could you endanger them like that?" 

The same pair of blue eyes that Erik fell in love with almost 50 years ago were still looking at him with the same warm love as they did back then, maybe even deeper now that their lives had been intertwined in one for so long. Erik couldn't help the wave of affection that was swelling inside his heart and spreading throughout his entire body. He smiled, taking Charles' hand in his. 

"I didn't." he said simply. 

Charles frowned. "What?" 

"I didn't endanger them, Charles." Erik's voice was soft. "I'm not senile yet! I know what I'm doing. Kurt, Jubilee, Ororo and Jean have been cooped up in this mansion for months now and they were curious about the outside world."

"I know that. And when they're ready for this I would gladly allow it to happen. But at this point it was too early for them to go about town unattended and alone among people who won't understand their condition and might..." Charles bit his lip. "Only a few weeks ago, Erik - we saw it on the news, - a policeman shot at a harmless autistic boy whose only crime was that he was playing with his toy truck in the wrong place at the wrong time." 

"Charles, calm down. They didn't really go to town." 

"W-what?" 

"This is what I was trying to tell you." Erik smiled, cupping Charles' cheek. "You know I had this surprise project I was working on, right?" 

"Right. I didn't peak even though I wanted to." 

"Well, this was the project." Erik said proudly. "I built a mall." 

Charles frowned. "You what?" 

"I built a mall, not far from here but close enough so that the kids can go there by themselves and have fun as much as they like." 

"I don't quite understand..." Charles blinked. "What would a mall do?" 

"They're recovering, Charles, but they need to feel like they can be in charge of themselves. Something casual, normal, like a trip to the mall with friends would boost their confidence that they _can_ rejoin society, that they  _are_ valid members of this world and deserve equal treatment." he explained passionately, eyes fixed on Charles. "You know yourself how many of these kids are hiding, isolating themselves because they know they're different. Well, they should celebrate their difference and take their rightful place under the sun. And it starts from within, Charles. We want society to accept them but they have to accept themselves first." he let the information sink and then continued with the technicalities. "It's a controlled environment more or less. The workers in the mall are actually trained professionals, so in case someone has an episode they'd know what to do. The children won't get shot or be endangered because they're well protected there. It's not being completely unattended, Charles, but they also need to feel independent, to  _be_ independent. They deserve it as much as anyone, don't you think?" 

Charles' lips quirked up in a smile. "Oh, Erik! This is a wonderful idea! I'm sorry I doubted your judgement!" 

"It's alright, you were worried about our kids." Erik smiled back at him. "I would've been furious if I were you." 

"I really like it. What you did, I mean." Charles said, leaning on Erik's shoulder. "I realize sometimes I'm too overprotective of them and it's not good, not healthy, nor professional of me to do so."

"You care about them. Like you've always cared. You show them love and support them emotionally." Erik said, rubbing along Charles' shoulder.

Charles sighed. "I forget that one day they will leave this place, they'll leave Westchester and the mansion and have their own life. That this is the goal here. And when that time comes they need to be prepared for the outside world, not just be educated and have their special needs looked after. You do that better than me. I may be taking care of their psychological health but what you do is actual parenting. I love and admire this about you, Erik. It really warms my heart." 

Erik was used to Charles being affectionate but this praise was actually making him blush. 

"We're both doing an amazing job at the Home, everyone is." he uttered awkwardly. He still needed to learn how to properly react to compliments. Maybe it was time to just give up now. 

Charles hummed and let out a content sigh. 

"Now," Erik said with a smirk, giving Charles _a look,_ "what was this about me getting soft?" 

Charles giggled at him, biting his lower lip and Erik pulled him closer locking their lips together in a blissful kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> And this was the end of the story ^_^
> 
> I want to thank all my lovely readers who stuck around till the end. Thank you for your wonderful comments and for all the kudos! I hope you enjoyed the fanfic!
> 
> Peace and Serenity, my Cherik friends!


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